


Lost between the wheels

by satu_cos (turva_auto)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Formula One, Angst, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Formula 1, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-03-26 11:00:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19004413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turva_auto/pseuds/satu_cos
Summary: Can you fall out of love and still think you don't give a fuck about everybody else? Do you manage to get as cold as ice or do you lose yourself while trying. What are you willing to sacrifice for your goals?AOT goes Formula 1!Erwin and Levi drive for different teams, this is about their lives, deeply mingling with each other and their respective PTs Mike and Nanaba.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please mind the taggs, this features unhealthy coping mechanisms and graphic description of eating disorders.
> 
> This is based on the 2013 paddock, therefore team mates were asigned by relevance of character to the story. Everybody has some sort of job to do, so don't be too disappointed if there's no lovey dovey side pairrings. It's an Eruri story after all.
> 
> If you are a fellow fan, be my guest in the comments and guess who is who XD

This race weekend was the shittiest one he ever made. Not only had he missed the pole position and got a drive through penalty, because of that fucking German piece of wood named Eren Yeager, who was driving that trash can named McTitan, which was only a piece of metal shit. No, not enough for one weekend, he also had a fight with his best friend and the person he had fallen for dearest.

Levi was annoyed at himself, the Underground racing team was just as annoyed, as he was and except for his physio Mike, he was sure everyone would hate him for fucking up the Qualification.

It wasn't just the summary of all the circumstances setting the French man into a gloomy mood, it was something deeper, yet not that unknown to him either. He wasn't pleased with his latest results, knowing he could do better, if he forced it out. But no matter which button he pressed, nothing seemed to change.

He trudged out of the pit towards the motorhomes, avoided looking at anyone in particular, who was around the paddock.

Mike, was rushing after him and Levi couldn't resist, but shut the door right into his face. He wanted to be left alone, not talk to anyone or listen to whatever rambling the person in question would come up with. There was no excuse, he simply fucked it up and now it was too late to correct it. His throttle and break rhythm timing was off hand and focusing on the track seemed harder then ever.

“Levi open up that fucking door!” Mike pleaded with him, but he stayed put in front of it, on his ass, knees tugged up under his chin staring of into space, pretending to be deaf to the rest of the world. If they ignored him, or laughed about him, or hated him, it was all fine, if he ignored them as well, that's what he kept repeating in his mind. He listened to Mike's frustrated talking and sighs, as he obviously told the rest of the team about not being able to get in touch with the prodige.

He wasn't that glorious anymore. He was just one big mess,who fucks up all the time he sat a foot on a pedal, that was what he felt, even though no one asked him for his input. They did simply expect him to be always on top and he somehow didn't manage to keep up with it at the moment. Maybe the car would have been faster, if he wouldn't suck at training like he used to. Mike was giving him lectures for ages, that he did need to build up more muscle to fight off the G-force and that he shouldn't be such a lazy shit, whenever Levi took time to rest for a while and sort out his head like now.

French prodige they called him, as if he would be some sort of second Fritz. He was just Ackerman an average boy from Amiens, who loved to drive cars, he never wanted to be a second Fritz and most of all, he would never be as glorious as his idol of childhood days. Ackerman knew he was frustrating himself by the merry second the thoughts were passing through his mind. Mike finally admitted defeat and walked off. He could hear a comment of his team mate Flagon, his sneer made it through to him.

“Is prodige sucking again and went to sulk?” The comment hurt indeed, comments like these were the reason, why he hated the Australian down to his guts. He always managed to make him feel even more guilty and never missed a moment, to make sure Levi was aware of his picking on him. Levi forcefully banged his head against the closed door in frustration, growling a low: “Go Fuck yourself!”

He needed something to take the edge of things, now that they would at least leave him to himself for the next hour, before Mike would be bugging him again. Time out like a child, that had stolen a jar of candy. He knew he was working himself up on it by the second and finally got to his feet, trudging over to the table in the middle of the room, before settling on the floor again to do a few crunches and push ups. Sport was always a good thing to help him relax. Of course he was whining at Mike, usually when they went for a run, but he rather did it, because they expected him to do so, to keep up his mascarade and face.

In secret he was more than font on sports and spent a lot of time practicing, when no one was watching. In addition it helped him to lose weight, whenever he ate all the so called dangerous foods, that made Mike mad at him.

But he never wanted anyone to pick on his eating habits and the nights out, when they were all having sort of a team dinner were the worst. Everyone seemed to be staring at his plate, insulting him with their gazes. Not to mention the healthy diet shit Mike spent hours on to talk into his head. Levi hated every single moment of it.

Stopping for a moment in his movements to check on his phone, he noticed no news so far, no missed calls and no texts. Obviously Erwin was still pissed off with him, he wished for nothing else than to be able to hug the English man again. The ice cold man, who had stolen his heart without option for return. Levi sighed getting back to his training, feeling the sweat trickle down his forehead, down his neck and soaking the racing overall he was still wearing, which made it harder for him to move, mind wandering off to the night before at the hotel.

They had just arrived from the airport for testing at this race weekend, barely being able to settle in the hotel, when all were ordered to attend one of these so hated dinners. He had been glancing over to Erwin from his seat, watching him nursing his plate with disgust, stuck between Springer and Reiss who held a conversation above his head.

His press manager Hanji had nudged him every now and again to catch his attention, but Levi was too lost in thought, to even realize his attention was required. He wanted to get out of this room, he wasn't hungry just picking at his dinner every now and again, scratching the fork across the plate every once in a while. Erwin was the only thing keeping him from rushing out of the room, because he knew Erwin was the only one out of all of them, who knew how anxious and awkward he felt about these dining sessions.

After half an hour and sarcastic comments from Mike about Levi denying the proper food and better not daring to ask for Mcdonalds in return, he excused himself to the toilet, minutes after Erwin had left to the men's restroom.

After he had entered, longing for nothing else than a hug and a few nice words, he stopped dead in his tracks. Erwin obviously wasn't alone and the glances Levi had thought, would be directed into his direction, were meant for the blonde girl he had pushed up flush against the tiled wall.

Levi lowered his gaze in shame and turned on his heal. Was he really reading all the signs wrong? But before he had a chance to exit unnoticed, Erwin had spotted him in the reflection of the mirror and barked at him in his usual monotone, stumbling over the words.

“What the heck are you doing in here kid?” His gaze glued to the tiles at his feet, Levi had just shrugged, he wasn't in need of a piss anymore, nor in need of anything. He just felt stupid and intruding.

“Stop staring at least and go.” Erwin grumbled, before grabbing the blonde again and nailing her to the wall. He had rushed out of the restroom, not even stopping by at the table, but went straight to his room, feeling too hurt and disconnected to bother with anyone.

He ended up 2 hours straight on the treadmill, running till his lungs screamed in agony and his legs hurt, to deal with the disappointing feeling. Over the past weeks he had gotten closer to Erwin so he thought, but obviously he was paying his country every respect and simply shagged everything that would be hold out on offer. Erwin didn't just leave it there, he came to find Levi exhausted and panting for breath on his bed in his hotel room and they had a senseless fight over their nonexistent relationship, with the Brit telling him off and where to go shove it rather directly.

“Just go and fuck yourself Ackerman! Deal with it, it was just fun.”

These words had burned themselves in his mind, ripped his heart apart and he wasn't sure how to handle that. Not sure what he did to upset the other driver and his best and almost only friend on the paddock. At least one of these, who could read his thoughts and know what he was going through. Of course they had ups and downs every once in a while, but they were as close as brothers, with the addition of lovers, when one of them was in need and Levi had thought Erwin would honor that. He obviously just didn’t give two shits about his feelings after all, playing him like a Gameboy.


	2. Chapter 2

Levi was still perched up against the table, as Mike knocked an hour later at the door of the motorhome, trying to turn the handle, surprised to actually find it opened up, as he stepped inside quickly.

Levi was still panting for breath, after he had taken the hard workout out on himself, head resting on his pulled up knees, arms loosely locked around and his dark mop of black hair in a sweaty state and all over the place. He was close to exhaustion, his head buzzing with waves of dizziness and his throat retching with waves of nausea, not paying any attention to the intruder and still locked inside his memory. His mind recalling hugs he had received from Erwin, movie nights snuggled up against each other at Erwin's summer cottage or boat trips, sauna visits and other stuff they'd been doing during winter break and race off weekends.

Each picture hurt, each phrase he remembered burned like acid. Truth or dare? Love or lie? He wasn't sure what was real and what just a plastic dream he might have had, so it made no obvious difference anyway. Tears were wetting the outer fabric of his Formula 1 robe and he only got aware of Mike, the moment the Finn crouched down in front of him and had put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

Something was troubling the little one so much was obvious, but it wasn't Mike's job to check up on his mental issues, they had team physicians for that and typical for his nordic nature, he didn't care that much either. If Levi needed advice, he could talk to Hanji or Erwin or whoever. Mike was more efficient in solving health related issues, that's what his job was all about and he knew, he was about to face a battle to get Levi to agree on tonight's workout session in the swimming pool, to get him ready and eased for tomorrow's race.

"Hey kiddo, got yourself back together? Did you pass kindergarten age for now or another tantrum to be expected?" he asked with a small smile, trying to pull a joke. Levi's head shot upwards, grey eyes big as a plate, but the rest of his features lacking real emotion. He looked forlorn and distant, his mind not yet clicked back to the reality, judging by the look of his eyes that barely seemed to take in Mike's presence.

"Come on! Pull yourself together and get your lazy bum up, there is dinner waiting for you at the hotel room and a nice swimming session later on." The french driver just shrugged, pulling away from his touch.

"Not going." he whispered stubbornly, his voice stressed on each syllable that left his lips.

"Excuse me?"

"Not going!" Levi mumbled again, feeling too tired to move himself upright or walking for that matter, let alone doing any energetic movements, which could actually lead to him giving into the sickness, that was still cramping up his insides, knotting his guts together and sending chills down his spine. 

"Are you serious? You just had one entire hour off for pouting and feeling miserable for yourself. Get going, the car is already waiting to drop us off and you'll need to do that interview you missed out on, within the next hour. " Mike dragged him roughly to his feet, patting the small of his back for a moment, before stirring Levi over to the door.

"Levi, please stop being a dick and just walk on your own! You're not 3 years old for fucks sake!" Mike cursed, wiping his blonde hair out of the way and blowing against a very persistent strand, that kept tickling his cheek. Levi only huffed and bowed his head, following his physio out of the motorhome, through the paddock and over to the street nearby, where a Mercedes was already waiting for the both of them. He felt the stares of the other drivers on his back, more than actually seeing them, was aware of their whispering as he swayed his way a step behind Mike, who tugged at his left arm regardlessly. All he wanted was to push the rim of the cap deeper down his face, or be a lucky guy vanishing into thin air. His breath still struggled to get back to a normal rate, his heart seemed to be racing out of his chest, breaking through the rib cage in the process and he tried his hardest to not give into the stress and probably end up hyperventilating.

His vision blurring at the edges and he almost collapsed, as his ass finally was tugged into the back seat of the Mercedes and they drove off to the hotel a few blogs away. He closed his eyes ready to fall asleep any second, while Mike muttered something sarcastic under his breath which sounded like - god fucking damn it!

He must have been passed out for a few seconds, his senses returning as Mike shoved his shoulder roughly, barking at him to get his ass out of the car and moving.

“Je te deteste!” (I hate you!) Levi sighed and followed him down to the lobby of the hotel they were staying at.

“I got that!” Mike snapped at him.

“So what!” Levi retorted like a stubborn kid, Mike only rolling his eyes in response, as they made their way to the elevator and up to the floor they should be at.

“Well you have 10 minutes before that interviewer will knock at your door.” Mike told him, closing the door, as he left Levi to his own business. He sat down heavily on the bed, gulping down a few mouthfuls of water, trying his best to compose himself and set up a half hearted smile, as the knock already echoed around the room. He didn't even had time to get changed, still in his racing clothes, he was properly smelling like an ape, that just ran off from the zoo.

“Come on in.” He finally replied, as it knocked again and he stayed put on the edge of the bed rubbing a hand through his tired face. He didn't even look up, nor listened to the rambling coming from the young girl, who held the interview and he didn't say much either. He nodded or shook his head most of the time and when forced to answer more than that, he kept mumbling low, just like Erwin used to.

“You sound so much like Erwin Smith! Levi, are you still in good graces with him?” the question hurt and he smiled, trying to hold the tears at bay and to appear occupied to come up with enough bullshit to make her believe everything was fine. She obviously bought it and left him soon afterwards, being a little disappointed, that he refused to have any photos taken, because he knew how awful he still must look like. 

As the door swung shut behind her, he dropped back onto the bed letting the tears have the best of him and burying his face into the big fluffy pillows to drown out his heavy sobs.

Still miserable and half asleep Mike found him, as he came to fetch Levi for dinner and his session at the pool.

“Don't tell me you haven't moved an inch, since I left you, kid. Just look at the state of you! Get out of the overall and ready for dinner now!” Mike ordered, pulling on one of Ackerman's shoes making the lump groan displeased.

“Levi, I beg you, stop acting like a kid today. You messed up one race, it's not the first and you are not getting away today either.” Mike urged with a desperate sigh.

“Laisse-moi!” (Leave me!) Levi whined from under the pillow, knowing fully well that Mike's French was not good enough to catch the phrase.

“Okay, listen. You have two options. Talk to me and get yourself sorted, or I will sort you out like the little boy you act upon.” Mike threatened him.

“Don't wanna talk with ya, just leave me alone!” Levi whined.

“You had your choice!” his physio grumbled, grabbing the pillow from above Levi's head and dragging the boy up right. His face was red and puffy from crying and he tried to hide himself behind his hands, making it difficult for Mike to unzip the overall, but the older guy just kept going, not caring about the younger men's unreasonable behaviour. He tugged of his shoes, which clattered onto the carpet with a few coins getting thrown under the bed. This wasn't the first time he had found coins in the younger men's shoes. He told everybody and their damn mother, he had them tucked in there for good luck, but Mike could smell bullshit half a yard away.

“Have you been cheating the weight control again?” Mike asked, as he struggled to get an unwilling Levi out of his clothes, but was left in silence. Sighing heavily, he dragged him of towards the en suite bathroom.

“Okay, get out of the fireproofed underwear and into that damn shower, and you better be ready when I come in here to get you.” Mike ordered, slamming the door shut with a bang.


	3. Chapter 3

Levi was left to himself in the bathroom, groaning in frustration. He showed his middle finger to the door, through which Mike had just excited a few moments ago with a clear demand and turned over to the shower. Maybe he would at last feel better after getting clean and suddenly a thought occurred to him, that he should be thankful Mike hadn't dragged him out of his fireproofed underwear, or had spend more glances at Levi's form.

“Levi, you better get going or I'll get in the shower along with you!” Mike threatened through the door.

The French man almost jumped half a foot in the air and hurriedly dragged the long sleeve shirt over his head, before stopping at the long legged pants out of Nomex.

He felt embarrassed at himself and stupid all over sudden, even though his little trick seemed to have worked. Mike might have spotted the coins in his shoes, but not the multitude of extra pairs of socks, some filled with small rocks even, he had stuffed in his underwear to betray the weight watch. He hated the scale with all his passion. Keeping his secret was harder than ever, if you had to jump onto one to check the car’s balance, up to 12 times during a race weekend. Of course some had noticed, that he’d gotten skinnier, but nothing essential. It was bad enough that everybody in the team, who was working with his car, knew his exact body weight, or at least what they believed to be his weight. 

If he had learned one lesson well in Formula 1, than it was the importance of weight. He still could recall the conversation he had overheard from their technical director about the new rules, that measured the car weight down, left alone the importance of balance and speed.

If his car was too heavy it was slower, if it was lighter, it was faster and there certainly was no more room left to make the chassis thinner. That only left one option, he had to lose weight. If he wasn't as fat, the car would be lighter, or at least the team could put more fuel into the tank at start, which would result in him needing to pit stop less. Left alone the team didn't need to pay penalty, in case he was overweight. They would need to balance it out with fuel or other stuff to aim the weight limit and using less fuel, simply because he was too fat would mean more pit stops, lower racing times and he probably wouldn't score a single point. 

Levi tugged down the rest of his underwear and stepped into the shower, turning the water tap on cold. He hated taking cold showers, but he knew they were effective, maybe he would feel less drowsy at least. The colder the spray was, the more heat his body had to produce to keep his body temperature and the more calories and fat it would burn down, to achieve this result. He shivered after just a few seconds, but kept going and washed his hair, even though it would get wet in the pool later on anyway. Just another shower would be needed, letting him burn down even more calories, of the meals he tried not to eat anyway. Turning off the tap he watched the foam leaving his slim frame and disappearing down the drain, as he wrapped a towel around his waist and grabbed the bathrobe to cover himself up and dry off, his hair dripping onto his shoulders, as he rubbed it dry with another towel, tossing it at his feet without paying any more attention as he stepped in front of the mirror above the sink. He couldn't stand his own reflection in there. 

Closing his eyes he tried to fight back the urge to smash the glass into a billion of pieces. Struggling to regain his composure, he remembered Erwin's words from summer.

“It happened, just forget about it! You can't change it.”

That was one of those typical things the Englishman would say. Live for today, die tomorrow. But Levi couldn't forget about the past this easily. He was trapped in there, like it would be his own Narnia and he couldn't find the closet to get out. Maybe it would be better, if he would tell someone, maybe it would help him regain power, but as much as he dreaded having a serious conversation with someone, he couldn't think of anyone.

Mike finally had enough of waiting for the younger lad and entered the ensuite again, seeing Levi in front of the mirror, staring blankly at his own reflection with frightened eyes.

Mike sighed, before approaching him slowly and snapping him out of his trance.

“Let's get going, time is flying past and you've been in here for ages.” he smiled, ushering him out into the hotel room, where Levi grabbed the clothes Mike had laid out for him.

“Can you leave me alone for a moment.” the driver mumbled, staring at the clothes in his hands.

“Don't be such a diva.”

“Than at least turn around.” Ackerman begged, struggling with his socks and still clutching onto the bathrobe tightly. Mike rolled his eyes and turned his back to him. Maybe he should retire from Formula 1, or switch to another driver, Levi was being difficult for the past months already. Usually Mike wouldn't mind dealing with remains of puberty. Ackerman was still a newbie and so young, but recently he seemed to spun out of everybody's control. More closed up and reserved, almost shy, but at the same time he could throw one of his tantrums and explode like a bomb that set off.

Levi kept a close eye on his physio, as he hurriedly got himself dressed, before giving in and joining him for dinner at the hotel's restaurant. The first thing he did after entering the dining room, was to let his gaze wander across the few crowded tables for a sign of the Brit, but he wasn't around.

“Come on let's have some healthy dinner and get into the pool, once we are finished.” Mike dropped a plate with various stuff in front of Levi's face.

“Mhm.” he mumbled picking at the lettuce in a bowl, his stomach giving him one hell of a pain, by the merry thought of pushing it down his throat, or even chewing on it for that matter. The young french man took his time to spread out the napkin on his knees, before he tossed the fork into the green healthy food, trying to make the best of it. One eye was always on Mike, who seemed to be starving and was all over his plate at once. Levi used this moment to shuffle most of the lettuce in front of his mouth, but instead of putting it in there, he let it drop into the napkin on his knees with a small flicker of his wrist, hoping Mike wouldn't catch him. Nervously he proceeded with his new hint, making it through half of the bowl and the bread, before Mike leaned back watching him. Pretending to be full, he patted his tummy with a smirk, folding the napkin up and taking another to wipe the oil of the dressing off, that actually had made it around his mouth. It was tempting to use his tongue and simply lick it away, like everybody else would do, but he was too afraid to lose control about himself then.

“That was delicious for a 5 star hotel.” the Finn hummed in contentment. Levi nodded in agreement, dumping the napkin onto the free chair next to him, as Mike swept his gaze across the room.

“Okay well let's get going.”

“But my mom always said, you shouldn't go for a swim right after eating.” Levi tried to interrupt, getting up slowly and shoving his chair aside, so Mike couldn't spot the napkin by accident.

“Bullshit! Come on youngstar, move!” Mike playfully shoved Levi slightly into the shoulder. He staggered sideways, losing balance and forcing Mike to grab a firm hold of his arm to keep him from crashing to the floor, kissing the carpet with his face in front of all people. A few of the other dining guests had already started to turn their heads into their direction.

“Levi?” His physio eyed him concerned, holding the french man upright. “Is everything okay with you?” Levi didn't answer, just squinted his eyes shut,  waiting for the room to stop spinning and blurring. It wasn't Mike's fault, that he lost balance, usually he would survive a playful shove around, but this time his dizziness was faster then he was, clinging to every inch of his head, making the word tip over for a moment. In believe to have gained enough self control, he straightened up slowly. Maybe he shouldn't have left the chair so abruptly.

“Levi, say something.” Mike urged silently, looking the boy over for a sign that would tell him, if the younger boy might be in pain. His face was ashen, white as a blanket, drained off all color and his lips seemed to be dried out. Maybe going for a swim wouldn't benefit him just yet.

“I'm fine.” his protege finally replied not sounding convincing at all.

“Well, I better take you back up to your room.” Mike told him, not letting his hold relax, as he briskly walked Levi back to the elevator. There was no use in training, if the kid would drown, because he passed out. The physio caught Erwin's eye, as he and Levi exited the dining room, but the Brit didn't give any sign of recognition. His lips were pressed in a grim line, his eyes hidden behind a pair of mirrored sunglasses. 


	4. Chapter 4

Levi was unaware of Erwin's searching gaze, following him as Mike pulled him into the elevator to get him settled in his own bed. He suddenly was washed away by a wave of bad consciousness about the missed out work out. Nevertheless, he let Mike have his way with him, as he was tugged into the warm bed sheets and told to rest, while Mike would go looking for a doctor, just to make sure that it wasn't anything serious bothering the young guy, might leading to him not being able to race.

On his way to the reception desk he texted Hanji, asking her to get the test driver ready just in case, as he saw young Armin Arlert and Erwin Smith sitting at the table he and Levi had left. They were having, what seemed to be a heart to heart, but a one sided one, since Smith, who was driving for Survey Spin, barely answered.

Armin had been in the hotel gym together with Erwin after the race, both training with their personal trainers, while having a little chat. Usually they wouldn't hang around for long, but today Armin seemed to be worried out of his mind and insisted on babbling to him in English of course, since he still couldn't speak Finnish after all, with exception of a few phrases he picked up at his grand dad’s place. Thankfully he didn't use them so far in his rant, because his pronunciation made Erwin feel sick to his guts. He wasn't the most patriotic, with being a brit and all - but he had a few finnish friends. He hated it if people tried and failed badly. They should either try harder or leave it at rest, nevertheless. He wasn't in his most talkative mood and at first Erwin wanted to tell him where exactly to go with a rude Fuck off, but soon found himself listening intensively to the younger lads words. He was having a rant on Ackerman's messed up qualification and told Erwin about what Flagon had been telling everybody, who wanted to hear it at the paddock.

“Fucktard, he doesn't let him rest. Arsehole team mate.” Erwin muttered as they made their way through the lobby to go and get dinner. They stopped in the doorway. Armin not really caring why, while Erwin's gaze flickered over the people, spotting Mike and Levi in an instant. They might have had an argument, but he wasn't mad at the younger one, not at all. He knew Levi for long enough to know how bad he must be beating himself up about today's Qualification. It wasn't even his fault, more like the car sucked, that's what Erwin thought, since Levi didn't even make it to Q2.

Erwin wasn't sure whether to enter or not, as he watched Levi dropping a napkin onto the chair nearby, as Mike wasn't paying attention. He frowned, Armin following his gaze didn't spot anything out of the ordinary and wondered.

“Is it about Mike and Levi?” He asked and Erwin just shrugged his shoulders, not even looking at him, as he observed the other two getting up from the table they were sitting at. Levi looked exhausted and almost fell over as Mike shoved him with a laugh, his smile dropping, as he held onto the french man to not let him crash head first onto the expensive dining hall carpet. Erwin stepped forward instantly, wanting to rush to his friends side, helping him up and asking whether or not he was okay, but Armin grabbed his wrist in a strong grip, making him turn around with a questionable raised eyebrow.

Arlert silently shook his head at the Survey Spin driver, so they stayed put watching Mike urgently whispering to Levi, who didn't seem to listen, before Mike grabbed a firm hold around his waist and stirred him out of the dining hall and past them, with a few suspicious looks from other dining guests.

Erwin's gaze followed them and he pressed his lips in a grim line. Something was going on here and no one seemed to notice it, except him!

“What about dinner now?” Armin asked, his stomach grumbling angrily at the opportunity, making him flush a hilarious shade of pink. Erwin snorted in response and they went to get their plates. He didn't really care if Arlert would sit with him, instead he headed straight to the table Levi and Mike had vacated earlier, their plates left behind. Erwin simply stacked them up on one another and shoved them aside, before taking the seat Levi had occupied a few minutes earlier. Armin didn't seem to mind, dropping down opposite him and started to empty his serving of the food in a fast pace. He must have been craving for it until the training, but Erwin wasn't that hungry. Watching Levi suffer was enough to put his appetite off. His gaze flickered to the seat next to him with the used napkin and he picked it up, placing it on the dishes.

“What's that?” Armin asked his mouth full of pasta.

“Shut up!” Erwin snapped a little disgusted by the other German's missing table manners, he seriously was raised outside Finland, or his grandfather had been too much of a jerk, to be hard on him when he was still a kid. Erwin fiddled with the napkin, pulling it open and revealing a lot of oiled salad. He looked over to the half full bowl that was still resting on Levi's used but still plenty loaded plate and you could almost hear it click into place, as he summed up the situation. 

Gritting his teeth he felt like he wanted to cry. Armin saw Erwin's jaw working hard, as if he would drag his tongue over a broken tooth in thought, before he dropped his gaze and started to eat his own meal.

“Weird thing to do.” Armin muttered in-between mouthfuls.

“Ha?” Erwin snorted, pushing his fork into his own pasta, making it scrub along the porcelain in the process, with a disgusting ear screeching noise.

“I mean like.” Armin chewed some more pasta. “Why do you put your food into a napkin? You know like, drop so much while eating?” Erwin refused to answer, he wanted to smack his head onto the table top because of the other guys stupidity, but at the same time Armin was excused. He wouldn't know the signs of trouble ahead, therefore he wasn't in the Formula 1 business long enough and he didn’t know jack shit about Levi. Erwin knew what was up or at least he had an idea forming itself in his head. He remembered one night long ago, when he and Levi had been up for no good on his yacht in Switzerland. Both sitting in the jacuzzi, Erwin fully on show, while the ravenette preferred to stay in his trunks, enjoying Vodka after Vodka watching the night sky and rambling about life and death. The kid definitely had some issues going on, so far was for sure but Erwin only reassured him to think positive and never look back.

“It happened, just forget about it! You can't change it.” That's what he told him and somehow in their drunken state they had ended up kissing passionately. 

But Levi didn't remember this bit the next morning, at least the all so talkative french man never mentioned it again. A small smile formed on Erwin's lips as he finished off his dinner, the memory of the kiss replying in his head.

“I think Flagon is too hard on Ackerman you know. He's treating him like shit and no one seems to defend him, that's not fair. Ian Dietrich once had to part them in the back room, before the price giving, because they almost ended up on each others throats.” Armin mumbled.

“When was that?” Erwin asked frowning.

“I guess Germany Grand Prix last year. They were almost biting each others head off! Eren said he was afraid they may fight and I swear, Levi probably would have punched him in the eye. Would have served him well.” Arlert went on. Erwin nodded, leaning back and thinking about how to get close to Levi to talk to him. He wasn't the big guy for apologies and actually there wasn't that much to apologize for. He had been horny, he had an easy lady and just wanted to have fun. Levi just had chosen the wrong place at the wrong time.

“I think I will go and lie down for a while.” He mumbled as Armin had finished his dinner.

“Yeah I think about the same lines.” the German agreed and they left the table together.

Halfway through the lobby Erwin groaned.

“Hei Erwin, odota hetki!" (Hey Erwin hold on a second!) Mike was yelling across the carpet as he hurried to come over.

“Mitä vittua nyt?” (What the fuck is it now?) Erwin hissed loud enough for the physio to catch up, glad that he had taken the time to learn the language of his friends, it had settled like a comforting blanket over his senses, whenever he had the chance to speak it. Made him feel accomplished, since it was so different to English and the only thing outside of driving Formula 1 cars, he had really put any effort into. Armin just stood by dumbfounded not getting one word as Mike started to talk rapid fire and almost in one breath. A flood of finnish words drifting from his lips.

“Ei en välitä!” (I don’t care!) Erwin spat and turned around.

“Mutta...” (But…) Mike interrupted rather noisily.

“Jätä minut rauhaan!” (Leave me alone!) Erwin snarled at him and set up a quick pace towards the elevator, leaving the physio behind speechless. Arlert rushed after the older driver.

“What was that about?” he asked confused, all he did understand was “Ei.” (No.). Erwin sighed as they both squeezed into the elevators cubicle, pressing the button to their floor.

“He asked shit!” was all Erwin told him, before trudging of to his own room, his head bowed and deep in thought. Arlert threw his hands in the air muttering about feeling left out and those damn Finns with their ridiculous language and grammar, before opening the door to his own bed of the night.

Meanwhile Levi was sleeping like dead, totally exhausted and missed out the doctor's visit, who couldn't really tell much, except from that the driver needed rest and they should have a look at things before tomorrow's race.


	5. Chapter 5

Erwin spent most of the evening on his bed, leaning up against the headboard talking to his physio Nanaba to clear his mind, while drinking Vodka. Nanaba kept an eye on him for not taking it too far for the upcoming race and told him not to worry so much. Erwin didn't say much either, before falling asleep the way he was, having Nana tugging him in. She was a good woman.

He couldn't help staring at every inch of Levi he could get an eye on the next morning. He was on watch out mode. He was worried and all his senses were on high alert.

At first he spotted Hanji talking feverishly to Mike and caught a few lines regarding the test driver taking Levi's seat. Pouting disappointed Erwin ate his porridge, while Nana tried her best to soothe him during breakfast, telling him that it was not his business to worry about The Underground’s strategy. He didn't have time to do so anyway, as they were off to the pit lane right away, talking to the engineers about their own strategy once again, doing weight check ups, interviews and the entire procedure. He had no time to sneak up to The Underground racing team's pit and check, whether or not Levi would start.

The race went well as Erwin finished 3 rd starting as 7 th on the grid, sharing the podium with his team mate Bertolt Hoover in first and Flagon placing 2nd.

All cars were left in Parc ferme, most of the drivers back in the box, but Erwin kept scanning the crowd of people, hoping to spot Mike. He didn't. For a moment he was tempted to ask Flagon, but knowing that this guy hated Levi and he literally hated the Brit as well, he had to shake his head about his own idea. The press conference afterwards took a lot of time and having Flagon staring at him ever so slightly, with a glint in his eyes made Erwin fidgety. He had problems to keep his face straight and shrugged most questions off with a simple: “I don't know.” or “I don't care.” much to the frown of the reporters. They never seem to get tired of bugging an answer out of him. Armin had the seat behind Erwin and he could almost feel how the German was glaring a hole into the back of his head. Erwin turned around briefly, raising a questioning bushy eyebrow into the other drivers direction, but couldn't catch what Arlert tried to mouth over.

Once they were through with the press and about to leave the German caught up with the Brit.

“Hi Iceman!”

“Huh!” Erwin stopped and turned around to face Armin, who patted him on the shoulder with a wink.

“Good job on the grid.”

“Thanks.” Erwin answered curtly.

“Don't you worry so much. Levi was driving. I saw him earlier getting into the car, but he did not finish, they had some problems.” Erwin nodded a smile of relief spreading across his face. Maybe things weren't as bad, as he assumed them to be, if Levi was still driving?

The next 2 weeks until the next race passed in a stress full blur, as the season went on. Erwin still hadn't had a chance to talk to his friend and the matter he was about to address, was nothing you could sort out with a simple text message. He couldn't do anything and felt as if his hands were tied together, no matter how desperately he wanted to stretch out a helping hand towards the younger ravenette. Erwin had no other choice than watch him from afar with Mike's words still ringing in his ears. “Leave Levi alone for a while, he's unsettled by you. Guess he needs more time to rest. I have no idea what issue you both had with each other, but you know as good as I do, he's just a kid. Don't toy him around in your circuit Erwin.” Zacharias had barked at him in the hotel, almost 2 month ago by now and Erwin not used to following anybody's instructions, followed suit the words of the finnish physio, not even knowing why. There was an edge to Mike’s face, an emotion he couldn't quite place, that kept him guarded and warned, that there was more lurking in the shadows, than Erwin might have liked.

It was the end of July and the 2 week gap of holiday for everybody wasn't much in this years 20 race schedule, but enough time for Erwin to spent time back home in Switzerland at Villa Freiheit. More than once he urged an by now annoyed Nana to run a route passing by Ackerman's place, but not seeing anything. All curtains were still closed, as if no one was there. Of course there had been the possibility for Levi to go and visit his extended family in Amiens, but it was quite unusual.

After 7 days of waiting for a sign of life, Erwin was too worked up about the general case, that he tipped out an email to Zacharias into his laptop during dinner time. Nana tried to tell him not to bother, but Erwin was too impatient to care. If Mike wouldn't answer than no harm was done. If he did indeed answer, Erwin would at least be a bit less concerned and up to date. He wasn't asking for private team orders or technical matters, he was simply worried how his friend, who would usually spent every breathing minute with him, was holding up.

The answer made itself audible in less than 30 minutes to Erwin's surprise. He tugged the laptop from the sofa to his knees and opened the popped up window.

“You shouldn't have done that!" Nanaba  muttered from the other end of the couch staring at the TV show Erwin had put on.

“Shut up!” the Brit muttered and clicked to read the full message, waiting in his inbox.

“Terve Smith.” (Hello Smith.) he mumbled as he read Mike's introduction.

“Perkele!” (Asshole!) he hissed, how fucking nice to refer to him by his last name, when Mike knew exactly, who had sent the mail, nevertheless he kept his eyes on the screen taking another mouthful of Vodka. The ice cubes in the glass gently rocking against it, making a jingling sound as he read further.

“I actually can't answer your question, because I left towards Jyväskylä the night we left the circuit and haven't seen Levi since then.”

“Seriously, what a fuck up of a personal trainer is he!” Erwin muttered, sipping more Vodka. Nanaba just rolled her eyes into Erwin's direction unnoticed and flickered her gaze back to the TV.

“All I can say are things that won't probably help you any further, even though I understand your need to know about them, but you are not a big enough reason to lose my job. Levi missed a few trainings and he's holding up, even though he could be in better shape, but anything more than that would put me on risk, so deal with it. See you in a few weeks. Best regards Mike Zacharias.”

Rage replaced Erwin's genuine concern, he wouldn't let Mike have it this way. Actually it was his right to deny Erwin any further information, but at the same time he would have been better off not answering at all. Erwin wasn't any smarter with the few lines still displayed on the desktop of his Macbook. He grabbed his cellphone quickly dialing a number, before putting it to his ear and walking out into the garden, leaving the patio door ajar.

 

"Dawk.”

“Nile, it's me.” Erwin muttered into the receiver, striding circles into the grass, an aggressive spring to his steps.

“Hey, what's up? Good to hear from you.”

“It's not, as if I wouldn't have been with you and the boys just last week.” Erwin chuckled.

“I know, they both do already miss you and so does Marie.”

“I miss you guys too, tell mum my best and hug her.”

“Will do, but hey that's not the reason for you calling isn't it?” his older brother had always known Erwin better than anyone else, they shared this special link almost like twins would. 

“Of course. Yeah well okay just fuck it.” Nile laughed out aloud.

“I knew it, so what's bothering you?”

“Just worried 'bout Levi.”

“Why? Did you guys argue?” Nile asked confused. 

“No, not really, he's just distant.”

“I noticed.” Erwin glared daggers into the lawn. Was it seriously that obvious?

“I just dunno what to do. I wrote to Mike, but he refuses to tell me anything. Just making strange hints.” Erwin complained in his monotone voice.

“I see, what about spending him a visit?”

“I take a run past his place everyday, but all curtains are shut, no car in sight.”

“Erwin come on! That doesn't mean he's not there. You were just as bad sometimes. Remember how often Mum was driving out to the island, to see if you were still alive, when you were glooming after leaving Survey Spin for the first time, to pursue other racing formats?” Nile reminded him in a soft tone. He took Erwin's concern for genuine and the last thing he wanted, was his little brother getting depressed again over something that might be nothing serious at all.

Ackerman was after all part of a sort of extended family to Erwin. The brit allowed his brothers words to sink in for a moment, walking vicious circles in his backyard, while trying to settle onto a conclusion. He only grunted as Nile gave him time to settle, passing it with shit chatter. 

“Damn it!” Erwin kicked against the sandbox he had put up for his nephews.

“What about you go and spent him a visit. You know as good as I do how fucking stubborn you can be? From what I can tell, Levi is just as stubborn, as you are.” Nile offered, smirking silently as Erwin grunted in response.

“Yeah, maybe you are right.”

“Just give it a try and let me know how it went. I need to sort the small bean out. He just came in, as a giant puddle from the pool.” Nile laughed and Erwin heard his nephew demand his dad's attention.

“Okay, give the boys a hug. I will be back as soon as possible.” Erwin smiled and they said their goodbyes. Nanaba was leaning against the patio door with a soft smile, she wasn't eavesdropping into the drivers conversation, she was just seeking some sun before the evening would set.

“I'll go and take an extra run, dunno when I get back.” Erwin muttered, dragging on his spare pair of workout shorts, before grabbing his car keys.

“Lazy shit. A car ride isn't a real workout.” Nanaba mocked with amusement, getting Erwin's middle finger in return and a nasty smirk, before the Brit trudged into the garage and fired off the engine of his car, to make his way over to Levi's place.

As he arrived it was all dark again, the Infiniti nowhere to be seen and Erwin nagged on his bottom lip with uncertainty. He felt like an intruder, pulling up at his friends house without announcement. Sighing he got out of the car, the darkness giving him cover as he approached the door to press his thumb onto the doorbell 2 times in quick succession.


	6. Chapter 6

There was no noise to be heard that indicated any movement at all and Erwin started to feel stupid. Maybe Levi wasn't home after all? He glanced around the driveway, his eyes trying to figure out, if he was being watched, but there were no signs of paparazzi or anything like it around.

Inside Levi turned in bed with a sigh, he had woken up from his slumber, as the doorbell went off, but he didn't want to move. He didn't move at all for most of the time, because it made him either feel nauseous or dizzy. When Hanji announced a visit he made sure to get up and look like nothing was amiss, but this was the only reason he had moved once in a while. She would have called, if she was about to drop by. The bell rang again and Levi groaned. Whoever it was should piss off. He wanted to be left alone, he was glad that Mike had been easy to be fooled and stayed back in Finland, so he seriously struggled to recall anyone, who would need to see him. Reluctantly he sat up, leaning heavily against the headboard, his head swimming as he fiddled to flicker the light on his night stand into life. The warm glow blurring his vision.

Erwin had enough of waiting in silence and decided to walk around the house to look for any signs of life. Maybe Levi was only hiding his presence, as Nile had suggested. He climbed over the little fence in the back yard and walked across the damp lawn, that still felt warm from the summer sun underneath his feet. All windows on the roof were dark, so his gaze swept lower to the ground floor of the small two story house, wandering from the left to the right side. He wasn't sure but it seemed that there was a soft glow behind one of the curtains. Erwin snuck closer across the lawn, looking back to the fence, to make sure no one had seen him. He felt strange for sneaking around Levi's property at half the night like some goddamn stalker, but his worry was bigger than his nonexistent bad conscience.

He approached the window with the half closed curtain slowly, trying to figure out which room it must be hiding, as he caught a glimpse of a pair of jeans on the floor and a flickering lamp on a night stand. Jackpot he had walked in on Levi's bed room more or less red handed and properly had woken him up. Erwin sighed and peered in from the shadows.

Levi was leaned up against the headboard, eyes closed and his chest raging, as if he had a hard time to catch his breath. Erwin's heart sank at the merry sight of him. The T-shirt covering him up seemed way too big for him and his friend was rather pale. Indeed he looked forlorn on the king sized bed and something seem to be off. Erwin just couldn't put his finger on what was disturbing him. Biting down on his lower lip, he raised his hand and knocked on the cool glass slightly, but with enough force to be noticed.

Levi's eyes snapped open instantly and his gaze darted into Erwin's direction, but seemed to struggle to focus. Levi glared into the darkness, he could barely see, who was outside, but the intruder must be someone he knew. No paparazzi ever had been this noisy to sneak into his backyard and knock at the window to raise attention. He gestured to the patio door, that was still ajar, with his hand, hoping the trembling wasn't too obvious, trying to find out whether or not the stranger would take the invitation. Anything that required moving out of bed was no option to him.

Erwin frowned, as he saw Levi waving over to the patio door and he trudged to the left to check on it, finding it ajar with the curtain closed. He opened the door a little wider making the wind blow through the fabric, as he stepped into Levi's semi dark bedroom.

“Erwin!” the younger boy gasped and his eyes went wide in terror, as he tugged on the covers to hide behind them. Never would he have thought of the Brit sparing him a visit in the middle of the night.

“Hi.” Erwin muttered, shuffling his feet, as he came a few steps closer, before settling on the edge of Levi's bed.

“Que se passe-t-il… I mean what are you doing here?” (What the hell…)  the French man whispered, trying to avoid locking eyes with the Iceman.

“Was sort of worried...ya know, uneasy feeling 'bout you.” Erwin mumbled in his monotone, scratching the hair poking out from underneath his cap awkwardly.

“I'm fine.” Levi pressed out, knotting his fingers around the bed sheet. Erwin made a grumpy noise.

“Haven't seen you around and well last time was a bit bad timing.” he huffed. Levi just shrugged his shoulders, sending the edge of his shirt gliding down on one side from the movement and hectically trying to pull it back up. Erwin's thick brows furrowed, as his gaze took in Levi's small frame.

“Never mind.” Levi finally mumbled,  trying to distract Erwin from watching him so intensively.

“If you say so, I know I was a bit of a dick, uh yeah well sort of needy.” he laughed a little, as the scene from the hotel replayed itself in his head. Levi blinked at him with a small smile, closing his eyes once again. The all so talkative french man wasn't really replying for once.

“Levi?” Erwin asked, still feeling awkwardly out of place, his gaze watching the ravenette, who only made a groaning noise.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine!” he sighed, his voice softer, but eyes still closed. It was making him feel happier knowing Erwin was here, but it didn't help his physical disadvantage. He wanted the room to stop spinning, his stomach to stop heaving and most of all, he wanted Erwin not to know how poorly he actually was doing.

“Doesn't seem like it.” Erwin muttered, before bending closer to his friend, taking hold of his hand. Levi shied away from the touch, but Erwin kept his grip around the wrist, that felt way too small surrounded by his strong fingers. The french man only flinched, not really struggling, as Erwin moved his hand so he could check Levi's pulse, the way Nana did, when they were training. It was hammering under his thumb and index finger in an irregular rhythm.

“Levi?” Erwin asked again, concern straining his voice.

“Mhm.” Ackerman only mumbled, feeling too out of breath to make any more effort to speak.

“You don't really look okay.” Erwin stated and looked around the room in search of a water bottle. Not even spotting this, he got to his feet and dashed over to Levi's kitchen, glad he knew his house by the back of his hand, from hanging out so much together. He flickered on the light, being blinded for a second, before realising how tidy it was. Usually Levi would have least a used pot and pan scattering around the countertop, or sitting on the drying rack, but not even a used glass was sitting in the sink. He pulled out a glass, the french man usually used to serve Latte Macchiato, from the cupboard before pouring some water from the tap into it and getting back to the young lad.

“Lee?” Erwin called out for him again, entering the bed room, seeing his eyelids flutter at the noise.

“Come on, drink this!” Erwin held out the glass for him. Levi shuddered, blinking heavily, before he grabbed for the glass, his hand shaking like crazy. Erwin kept his grip realising the other would simply end up spilling it everywhere. It was a strange feeling to help Levi gulping down the water. His skin still looking way too pale in the warm light. Erwin took a dextrose out of his jacket pocket, forcing The Underground driver to take it and wash it down with another glass of water.

“Thanks.” Levi muttered, before yawning widely.

“I hope you are not coming down with something. You look like shit mate. Should I ring up Mike for you?”

“No need to, Erwin.” Levi objected, pulling the duvet more closely around himself in an attempt to block out the cold. He had almost gotten used to be freezing all the time. It was hard enough to talk his physio out of all the usual after gym massages. He didn't want anyone to see his body and had sent Mike home, after they did have yet another fight about that exact topic,  post the last grand prix. Erwin frowned at him.

“I'm going to sleep it off, or see the team doctor about it tomorrow, I promise.“ he mumbled, before slipping further under the covers and moved to lay on his side.

“You better do, we have Singapore up next, it's only a few days left till testing.” Erwin gave him a small smile.

“Don't remind me about it.” the Levi lumb groaned. Erwin nudged him laughing loudly.

“Who's my champ?” he smiled.

“Me, and now get the fuck outta here, Champ needs sleep.” Levi yawned.

“Trying to get rid of me, already?” Erwins smile faded. Usually Levi would only fall asleep right there and then and don't bother, whether or not Erwin would find the door out. It actually made him feel slightly offended.

“Still love your sorry ass.” Levi mumbled, already dozing off, before his breath eased into a regular low rhythm. Erwin patted the younger guys hair with a sad smile before turning off the lamp, closing the patio door and sneaking out of the front door silently, getting into his car to drive back home. He loved the younger one just as much, maybe even more, if he would have the balls to admit that to himself.

His thoughts were twirling around the younger boy with concern. Would it be too much to ring the doc himself or at least ask Mike to do so? But well obviously the latest was no option. Maybe he should simply wait until Singapore to see how things would progress. There sure wasn't a way, that Mike would risk Levi's health, it was his job to look after the driver's well being after all. Erwin replayed the conversation he had with the ravenette over and over and couldn't get rid of the feeling, that things between Mike and his best friend weren't as lovey dovey, as they seemed to be. The physio had a hard time getting into Ackerman's good graces, but once he got there they ended up almost like a couple, never to be parted. No one on the grid was spending as much time with their physio, like Levi did and all of a sudden they seemed to be more apart. 

Of course Mike would be his guard and try to save Levi from any shit, that might come his way, but he usually had  a sort of cold way to deal with annoying reporters in the pit lane, but never ever had he been this alerted when Erwin was around.

He himself was no threat to the french man, was he?

“Perkele!” (Asshole!) Erwin cursed, not liking the direction his thoughts went. Maybe he was reading too much into it. Maybe Dot Pixis, the head CEO, was giving Levi a little too much kicks into the guts, maybe he was simply stressed with Flagon's pathetic attempts of teasing the younger World champion? He shut the engine off, as he arrived back at his place, finding it dark with the TV still blaring and a snoozing Nanaba in front of it. He hadn't been aware, that he had been out this long. To him time had passed rather quickly. Pondering over his own thoughts, Erwin drowned another glass of vodka, fetching himself some ice cream from the fridge along with a spoon and headed for his own bed, turning of the TV as he went. Once he was settled and through half the can of ice cream, he smirked and yelled Nana's name.

His physio jolted up right from the couch she had dozed on.

“”What the fuck!” she muttered sleepily.

“Are you back home Erwin?” Nanaba shouted back, not sure where her client was hanging around, almost expecting him to be lurking in the shadows just for the fun of it.

“Yeah! Go the fuck to sleep!” Erwin replied, his voice strained from the effort of rising it.

The Brit emptied his ice cream with a delighted sigh, before getting ready for bed and tossing the empty can of Ben and Jerry's into the trash.


	7. Chapter 7

Levi struggled to remember the last night at all, to him it still felt like a dream, that Erwin had been looking after him. 

Maybe that's all that it actually was in the end? Maybe he wasn't just freezing, but having the chills and fever and Erwin had just been something his mind made up, because he was craving for it.

He was craving for an explanation of the things that had happened, he was craving for Erwin's touch and yet he wanted to shove everybody out of his way. He refused to think about what happened to his stomach every time Erwin was near him. The tingling of little urgent butterflies, stirring his guts up. The shiver that ran down his spine, whenever their arms touched and the smile, that seemed to be painted all over his features whenever they talked. 

It had been Mike who noticed straight away that Levi acted differently whenever he was around the Brit. It was Mike who kept his mouth shut and watched from afar, until it got too obvious and in the end, it also had been Mike telling him to get his shit together and stop acting like a boy on a fangirl seizure. 

Without Mike he probably wouldn't even know why the press was assuming that he was gay and he would have put Flagon's insults down to a mood swing, until he realised that meanwhile, it actually was the entire paddock questioning his sexual orientation.

He felt embarrassed and tried his hardest to not show, what he was feeling about it, but he couldn't help it, whenever he meet Erwin. Levi always remembered that one kiss they had shared on his yacht, that one warm summers night, he treasured it, but never mentioned it. Too scared to come out of his closet and the british driver had never made a fuss about it either, so Levi thought he might not even remember it at all. That kiss was all they had and the young lad from Amiens was secretly wishing for more of it.

Mike was there to comfort him, to reassure him, to hug him. Mike was always there as his physio and best friend, but not the way Levi needed him, because Mike simply wasn't Erwin.

When Erwin told him to leave that night in the hotel, it felt as if the image of the kiss got scratched, leaving it with a crack visible for everyone to see. The blood, from the cut in his heart it caused, was invisible, but something shattered to pieces that night.

Annoyed with himself and his train of thoughts, which had been eating away at him for the entire week, since that night of Erwin's impromptu visit, Levi switched off the distracting shower.

He grabbed the towel from the heater and got himself dried and dressed. He had to leave to the airport within the next hour. Singapore grand prix was on, Hanji would fetch him and Mike would be waiting for them at the airport. There were briefings he had missed, workouts he had refused to do, all in all the entire weekend was doomed. He was totally not prepared at all. He hadn't called the doctor, all he had done, was lying in bed and feeling miserable for himself, trying to sort his feelings out.

Levi toddled over to his bedroom, dragging a pair of jeans on, which kept rushing to the floor. He scanned his wardrobe, as quickly as he could and fiddled with a belt to keep his pants from falling down. He definitely had lost some weight rather quickly and for the first time he wondered, if it would get him into trouble.

He unlocked his suitcase and added 2 belts just in case and he wondered, if it would look awkward, if he was running around with a sweater in the heat of Malaysia. There wasn't much he could do about it anyway, but he was expecting to freeze. His body didn't seem to stop shaking, except whenever he was under the hot shower spray.

The Underground Racing team's logo was glaring back at him, as he zipped the suitcase shut again. There barely was room for private clothing anyway. Most of the time he was requested to walk around like a human advert and he got used to it. If anyone would need to put his suitcase interior into numbers, it would end up 20 to 80 percent or something like that.

He gulped down a few caffeine tablets along with water and sighed deeply, before putting them into his carry-on baggage. Lately this was the only way to save him from falling asleep. Levi was pretty aware of what he was doing to himself, he had spent countless hours reading through several web pages to learn a few tricks and hacks how to stop Mike from pestering him. To him this was fine, he wasn't having a problem, he was doing something good for the team. 

He needed that championship. 

He needed to beat Flagon and Eren. He needed to win and he was going to win it. He simply had to.

Everybody was expecting him to win, his extended family, his old friend Isabel, Mike, Hanji, Dr. Hitch ,Darius Zackly, Dot Pixis and most of all Kenny Ackerman, the team’s Principal and sadly even his uncle, if 5 corners down south counted, was relying on him. He couldn't disappoint them all. He couldn't let them all down. The pressure of expectations was heavy on his shoulders and he almost jumped half a foot in the air, as his front door went and Hanji called out for him.

“Levi are you ready? We need to get going or we will be late.”

“I'm coming!” He shouted back and grabbed for the suitcase, making his way downstairs, zipping his sweater up as he went. Hanji was looking up at him a frown on her face.

“It's not that cold, or do you have any hickey to hide?” she laughed.

“Just freezing.” Levi mumbled, as he passed her, putting on his sneakers and tugging the shoelaces behind his ankle, not bothered to tie them properly. 

They left together, Levi locking the front door and sliding the keys into his backpack, before Hanji drove them to the airport. Levi was already so exhausted he felt like falling asleep again and nap his way to their destination, with his head resting against the window of the passenger seat.

“Did you get any sleep last night? You look exhausted.” Hanji asked, keeping her eyes fixed on the traffic in front of them.

“Hmm.” Levi hummed his eyes closed tight and the world slipping into a blur every now and again. He only caught half of Hanji's words, missing her frown, as she stirred the car into the parking lot and shook him gently to get him going.

“Come on big boy, time to meet Mike and board the plane. The guys have already started working on the car, since they weren't allowed to do so during break. The sooner we get there, the better the chances for you to win that race.”

“I want to win.” Levi yawned, rubbing his eyes and following Hanji with their luggage to the check - in counter. The air inside was warm and not any help to wake him up properly, he still felt dead and wanted to sleep for the rest of the year or something, as they took their seats, waiting for the queue to die down, while boarding had already started.

Mike waved to them as he made his way over, carry-on baggage in one hand and a smile on his face, sunglasses covering his eyes, as he came to a halt next to their seats, shaking Hanji’s hand in greeting.

“Hi there.”

“Hi, nice to see you again. How was your weekend with friends and family?” Mike frowned again, his sunglasses perfectly covering his discomfort, obviously Levi hadn't told her, that he had been offline since the last race and not only for a weekend back at home.

“It was nice to catch up again.” the Finn mumbled, shooting a sideways glare into Levi's direction, who was hunched over in his seat, not paying attention to the small talk going on next to him. 

The former hockey player scanned his protege over quickly, taking in the paleness of his face and dried out lips, along with the sweater, while he was wearing nothing else, than summer shorts and a shirt. Levi looked even worse, than he had when Mike had left. He would need to have a word with him or Kenny would skin him alive in case something happened. 

The mass of people had passed and all three of them boarded successfully, getting comfortable in their seats for the long journey of 6 hours, before touching down in Dubai, where they would have a layover of 2,5 hours, before they would continue towards Singapore for another 7 hours, thanks to Emirates airlines. 

Hanji was working through the schedule of the weekend, explaining important dates to Mike, who put notes into his phone to remember it himself, so he could actually tell Levi where he needed to be, in case Hanji was needed somewhere else around the pit or motorhome. The young french man himself was fast asleep, head leaning on the glass of the window.

“I wonder, if he even slept at home.” Hanji mumbled from across the aisle. Mike frowned at her in question.

“He was already sleeping on the way to the airport.” She stated matter of factly, as the airplane made a loop from turbulences. Levi's head rolled over onto Mike's shoulder, but he didn't wake up, even though most of the female passengers, including Hanji, couldn't help themselves, but yelp in alarm out of shock. Mike looked over at the young boy, worry edging in his face. Usually Levi was so jumpy, he would have freaked out about the turbulences, except this time, he didn't even flinch. After briefing with Hanji, they both took a nap, since the trip was rather long.

But none of them woke Levi up, as the food was served, it wasn’t that healthy to miss out on. He could still grab some at the airport during the layover.

When the pilot announced their landing, Mike shoved the sleeping Miss beauty slightly but got no reaction. He poked Levi and whispered his name. Hanji was busy packing her laptop away and Mike whispered into Levi's ear more urgently, as the young guy finally stirred, blinking sleepily up at him, eyes still not focused.

“Mike?” Levi averted his eyes, suddenly aware how close they were.

“Time to get up, we are about to touchdown.” Mike smiled, the worry still evident in his voice. Levi struggled to click his seat belt into place and ended up with Mike fastening it for him, who still wore his unexpected look of worry, edged into every feature of the Finns face.

“Are you alright?” He asked for what felt like the billionth of time and Levi gave him a weak thumbs up. He was far from it, being dragged out of the peaceful darkness of unconsciousness, but now wasn't the time to let the facade slip.


	8. Chapter 8

Mike forced Levi to eat a sandwich, as soon as they had taken their seats in the waiting area of Abu Dhabi airport. The young driver looked like he was about to either throw up or keel over and Mike didn't like it. Even Hanji was worried now, as she excused herself earlier, phone attached to her ear doing business. Levi insisted that everything was fine, but ended up half asleep most of the time, or so distracted and occupied with his own mind, that he didn't seem to take in anything. Mike was more talking to himself, than having any sort of conversation with him. He felt rejected and left out and he remembered Erwin's email.

Maybe it was about time someone would kick his ass, since it wasn't just a fling Levi had, avoiding his friend, but avoiding everybody else as well.

Arriving at the hotel in the warmth of Singapore felt to Ackerman like being hit in the face. The air was damp with humidity and it felt like trying to breathe in bricks, instead of any oxygen reaching his veins. Sweat seemed to be pouring from every part of his body, even in places a human surely was not supposed to sweat at all. It was hell.

“So we have two hours and then we have to attend the first interviews, followed by briefing with the pit crew.” Mike started to explain to Levi once they had settled. Looking up from his notes, he waited for a response of his protege, but Levi seemed to be staring right through him.

“Are you even listening?”

“Of course.” Ackerman mumbled.

“So what did I just say?” Mike asked, slightly annoyed by the younger guys unimpressed face.

“No worries, going to win.” Levi mumbled, avoiding the question and drowning half of the water bottle in his hand. He needed another pill, or he would be fast asleep within the next 10 minutes, but Mike was persistent as shit and not going to leave all to soon. His mind working feverishly to come up with an excuse.

“Just need a wee.” Levi prompted in and waddled over to the en suite bathroom with his carry-on baggage, shutting the door and locking it, before he started making a bit of noise to let Mike believe he had something in his luggage, that would have actually needed to be left in the bathroom. Instead he was sitting on the toilet seat, gulping down caffeine pills with some more water from the tap, in the cup for toothbrushes provided by the hotel staff. The effect was instant, a boost of energy rushing through his veins, as if someone pushed a button and he smiled satisfied with himself. Frowning he looked through his baggage, finally finding the hairbrush he rarely used, to leave it behind, justifying the noise.

More awake then before he meet Mike's questioning eyes. The Finn's face impassive as always, his jaw working on a gum. Levi rarely remembered ever seeing him without one.

“Well, you can choose, if you want to work out before the interviews, or in the afternoon, when we finished briefing with Kenny and the others.” Levi shrugged his shoulders. All was fine for now. He could use some sport to burn off calories and not appear too hyper from the pills. It was weird to feel so alive after weeks of being a lazy shit.

“What do you have in mind?” he asked casually. Mike looked thoughtful for a moment, gazing out of the window. He probably was weighing up the options, taking the weather conditions into account.

“Let's go to the beach. We could play some badminton and go for a swim.”

“Sounds fine.” Levi mumbled, darting for the door.

“Levi?” the young Frenchman turned around halfway to the door and frowned.

“Swimming trunks?” Mike suggested, eyeing the jeans that were still covering his legs.

“Boxer shorts will do.” he shrugged.

“I'm not taking you to the beach in your underwear. There is press everywhere around the fucking place.”

“Okay.” Levi sighed, opening his suitcase, as he rummaged through it. He knew fully well, he hadn't packed any at all.

“Well, seems I forgot them at home.” he said after a while. Mike sighed exasperated.

“Anything else you forgot?” he asked sarcastically. Levi ignored it and Mike followed him outside, snatching up the badminton set from the reception, as they made their way to the hotel beach. The people were giving them strange looks, Levi attracting the most of them, since he still was in his sweater and refused to pull it of. 

Mike shook his head, as they started playing, watching Levi starting to sweat furiously after just a couple of minutes.

“Where is your condition champ? Did you do anything during holidays?” Mike shouted, easily trudging through the sand. Levi just glared at him, moving faster. The sand seemed to swallow his legs without a fight, every move so hard, as if he would shift a ton of weight around with him. After 10 minutes he was soaked with sweat from head to toe and more than out of breath. Mike stopped mid-game throwing a bottle of water into his direction. 

Levi missed it by a mile, reacting way too late. He dropped down into the hot sand of the beach, grabbing the bottle Mike had thrown at him and gulping down most of the water in one go.

Mike watched him, texting on his phone.

“You know, this weekend will be stressful enough.” he pointed out dryly. Levi gave a short nod, he was too busy trying to focus. Mike would make him pay for it, if he didn't get his shit together. Stumbling to his feet he brushed the sand off of his trousers, swaying a little in the process. Mike chewed on his gum thoughtfully. He didn't want to push him, he had texted Hanji already, that Levi wouldn't make it to the race. His condition was worrying him too much. Mike looked up confused, the badminton ball had hit his forehead, now lying in the sand to his feet.

“Do you want to play or do you want to text your girlfriend?” Levi cackled. The Finn sighed, picking up the feathered ball smashing it back. He would observe this obscure game for a few more minutes, but seeing Levi missing it once again, made the decision quite clear.

Mike approached him slowly. They barely had moved for 20 minutes. “Let's go, you need a shower and lunch and Hanji is waiting for you."

“Is this all.” Levi protested clearly not satisfied.

“Just get your ass up okay?” Mike grabbed the raveonettes arm, who staggered to his feet.

“I can walk on my own.” he hissed, even though he felt dizzy.

“I noticed.” Mike responded sarcastically, dragging a protesting Levi along with him back to the hotel. It was no effort to him at all, the 10 minute walk was uneasy, because of the humidity, but apart from it, it was no big deal to the level headed Finn. The young driver instead was panting next to him, as if he had run a marathon, his chest heaving with every struggled breath Levi forced into his lungs.

“Get into that shower!” Mike ordered, as soon as they reached the hotel room. Levi trudged off stubbornly, pouting like a little boy, as he grabbed a few new clothes covered with Red Bull advertising along with him. The workout failed and he hated it. He had been sweating like a pig, but apart from that, he sure as hell hadn't burned any calories at all. Frustrated he kicked the tiled wall of the shower, enjoying the water washing down his fragile body.

Outside Mike frisked his proteges suitcase, finding nothing else than long sleeved sweaters and trousers, sending his brain on alert. Obviously the french man had something to hide and Mike would get behind it. No normal person would miss any summer clothes, when going to Singapore. He heard the shower tap being turned off and Levi toddling around. He counted down for a short while, before smiling to himself. By now his protege should have managed to cover himself in a towel, but there was no way he was already dressed. 

Levi had refused any massages for 3 months straight and at first Mike thought it was just a phase, but by now even Mike had no idea what to expect, as he swung the door open without knocking. 

Levi was sitting on the toilet seat, rubbing his hair dry, looking up with a shocked gaze mirroring Mike's facial expression perfectly, who scanned him over. Collarbones showing, spine sticking out, hip bones clearly outlined under the soft skin. For god damn it, he could even count every rib, as if he would play a piano.

The towel fell from Levi's grip into his lap and he snatched it back up, hiding behind it, as best as he could.

“What the fuck!” he exclaimed seconds later. Mike's gaze was hard as ice.

“Get the fuck out here right now!” he pointed to a spot right in front of him.

“Just fuck you!” Levi raged, struggling as Mike closed the 2 steps difference between them and lifted the french man up, like he wouldn't be much more than a pillow. He hardly felt any heavier than that, Mike thought, as he dumped a struggling and kicking Levi onto the hotel bed, the towel still fastened around his hips, hair all wet and staring up at him in utter shock and betrayal.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” Mike barked at him, demanding answers.

“What the fuck is your fucking problem!” Levi snarled back, with just as much venom in his voice. Mike was flopped down on the edge of the king size bed, his expression unreadable but hurt.

“Just look at you! How do you think you will be able to drive on sunday?”

“There's nothing wrong with me!”, Levi argued. Mike glared at him, his blue eyes even deeper than usual, hiding tears that threatened to spill.

“Seriously Levi, you know I need to report your condition and there is no way I'm going to let you drive like this.”

“Just screw you!” Levi raged, exhaustion starting to show in his voice.

“I'm going to race and going to win!” he mumbled, before finally passing out. The Finn sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. He knew he needed to inform the principals, Hanji and a doctor. But he also knew, how stubborn the young boy could be. If Mike would just overstep his boundaries, even if it was his job, Levi would drop him without a second glance. He would be fired in an instant.

“What am I going to do with you stubborn kid?” he mumbled to himself, checking Levi's pulse and covering him up with a blanket. He grabbed the door card and rushed down the aisle. There was only one person who might be able to help him make a decision.


	9. Chapter 9

Mike’s fist came down on the wooden hotel door rather hard and harsh, demanding even. He had no idea, whether or not Erwin or Nanaba were in or outside doing their business.

It actually didn't take him too long to wait, before the door was cracked open and Nana was facing him surprised. The woman smoothed down her hair awkwardly, glancing over her shoulder,  before coming outside and closing the door.

“What's the matter?” she asked in the genuine tone she always had whenever uttering a word.

“I need to talk to Erwin.” Mike pressed out from gritted teeth, still nervous.

“Well, he's busy right now.” Nana shrugged her shoulders.

“It's urgent.” Mike groaned, rubbing his tired face.

“It might be, but he's unavailable right now.” Nana gave him a small pitiful smile.

“It's about Levi, seriously.” Mike hissed, raising his hands in helplessness. Nanaba hesitated, her expressions thoughtful and one hand lingering on the door.

“I can sent him down to you later, if you want.” Nana tried to make a compromise.

“Not later, right now.” Mike snapped, he wasn't able to control his annoyance for any longer.

“What is he up to anyway, that he's so fucking busy?” Mike asked, seeing Nana flinch, at the sudden outburst of anger. Mike raised a questioning eyebrow at her. A groan was heard from inside the hotel room.

“Damn.” Nana cursed.

“Damn what?”

“You woke him up.” Nanaba snarled. Mike rolled his eyes.

“So what.”

“Well, now you can deal with him, being pissy.” Nana said dryly, opening the door to let Mike inside. Erwin was sprawled out on the bed, duvet kicked low to his hips, hand across his face, blinking against the sunlight coming in through the blinds.

“Erwin?” Mike asked without hesitation, seeing the other man flinch.

“What the fuck is it now?” the Erwin lump growled low in his throat.

“I’m sorry, I woke you up.” 

“Why!” Erwin mumbled, pressing his face into the fabric of the pillow case.

“Levi, it#s about Levi.” Mike blurt out, seeing the other man sitting up in bed quickly, a frown on his face.

“WHAT?” Erwin glared at him, his face a portrait of suppressed thunder, his eyes a mirror of demand. Mike shoved his hands in the pockets of his shorts, feeling exposed and uncomfortable. He hated to be the guy with the bad news and Erwin more than awake by now, wasn't the guy with the most patience.

“What's wrong with Lee?” Erwin barked, still pissed but for an entire other reason. He was worried, even though it was barely visible to the people.

“I think there is a problem.” Mike finally said, shuffling his feet, fixing the expensive carpet with his eyes.

“What problem?” Erwin was halfway out of the sheets, dragging over his T-shirt.

“I dunno...” Mike mumbled.

“HA!” Erwin turned around to the Finn, his eyes burning at the merry sight of him.

“First you have nothing to say, now waking me up saying there is a problem. Talk!” Erwin demanded, voice low and clipped.

“I don't think he can race in his condition.” Mike mouthed his thoughts out aloud. Erwin's brain was working fast. Levi unable to race must mean, there was something terribly wrong.

“Then get him a doctor.” Erwin flopped back on the bed. Of course he was worried that Levi  had fallen sick, but he was not in the position to help with health issues. He had enough of those himself.

“It's not that easy.” Erwin looking up at him through narrowed eyes. Mike ruffled his hair in desperation. He had no idea how to explain himself.

“I caught Lee in the shower earlier, after he fucked up training.” Erwin gave him a short nod, waiting for Mike to go on. “He's looking terrible. Exhausted. He falls asleep all the time, he doesn't focus, his reaction is slow.” Mike started to name all the little things he had observed for a while. Erwin listened carefully, suddenly he remembered the dinner with Armin, the folded tissue with the food and the uneasy feeling, that filled him back then was more then present now.

“How bad?” Erwin interrupted Mike's explanations.

“Paska, Shit bad you know.” The younger Finn looked up for the first time, after entering Smith's hotel room, tears swimming in his big blue eyes, desperation and fear mixing his features up into an uncomfortable mask.

“Where is he now?” Erwin asked softly. He wasn't good in comforting others, so he settled to pat Mike on his shoulder shortly.

“Passed out in bed after yelling at me, that he has no fucking problem. Fuck it, he even has an interview in less than one hour. I don't know what to do!” Mike mumbled, helplessly ruffling a hand through his blonde hair.

“Let's go.” Erwin grabbed his sunglasses and his phone. Mike followed suit and Nana was looking at them questioningly, still waiting outside. Erwin gave her a short nod.

“Will be back in time.” he mumbled, as they passed the personal trainer. Mike taking Erwin down the aisle to his and Ackerman's room. The atmosphere was tense, so tense, that it felt like hitting a brick wall with 300 km/h, as Mike finally unlocked the door, praying to god and whoever else, that Levi hadn't snuck out meanwhile.

Erwin stepped forward first, gaze swapping the room, before settling on the figure curled up in the middle of the bed under the blanket. Lee blinked at him sleepily, his eyebrows contracting into a half awake frown as he yawned, cuddling deeper into the thin duvet. He was freezing in the acclimated room, the aircon was making it feel like -20 degrees and as if he was pushed into a fresh pile of snow outside Mike's home in Finland.

Mike stayed back at the door making sure, Levi wouldn't make a run for it, before Mike grabbed his phone and left the both of them. Erwin gave him a short wave of his hand, before he left.

After all, he was still worried, but getting to talk to Levi without his guard dog of a physio, was much more relaxing, than having Mike stand by all throughout the conversation, which would be a bumpy road to drive along anyway.

“Erwin.” the french man mumbled in a daze, eyes half closed, head swimming. Was this another one of his daydreams? Like the last one back in Switzerland, when Erwin came to visit him at his house, in the middle of the night. Levi rubbed his swollen eyes, only now realising, that he had been crying in his sleep. The dry tears were making his skin itchy. Erwin sighed, grabbing Levi's hand and holding it tight and away from his eye.

“Stop. You'll only make it worse!” Erwin mumbled, his thumb softly making circles on the outside of  Levi's small palm. The ravenette holding onto him, his small fingers wrapped around Erwin's hand.

”What's up champ? You look like shit!” Erwin stated honestly. He was aware of how fragile his friend was, couldn't quite look away from the bones poking out from the pale skin, outlining every feature sharply.

“Are you really here?” Levi croaked hoarsely.

“Yes, silly. Your bulldog woke me up and ruined my beauty sleep.” Erwin smiled. Before grabbing the bottle of water from the night stand, opening it and handing it to his friend. Levi didn't want to get up, but Erwin could get rather annoying if he wanted to, so Levi gave in and struggled into a sitting position, sipping the water from the bottle slowly.

“I'm so tired.” Levi finally said, resting his head onto Erwin's broad shoulder.

“Because you worked yourself in quite a state man!” Erwin frowned, patting Levi's hair awkwardly, inside his heart was screaming.

“But I need to win.” Levi whined into the fabric of Erwin's red polo shirt.

“You are not even going to race, so neither do you stand a chance of winning anything.”

“Make it better. Make me go to race Erwin.” Levi sobbed, flinging his arms around his best friend, before he cried harder. Erwin holding onto him, feeling utterly sorry for the young french man.

“I can't, only you can do this Champ.” Erwin muttered, Levi still shaking in his grip. The young boys emotions were all over the place. Erwin had to help him, he couldn't let him drown.

“But I want to. I have to.” Levi cried.

“Well, I think Moblit Berner will do a good job during testing.“

„I don't want him to drive my race. It's not the same.“ Levi protested, making Erwin sigh.

„Listen you stubborn little shit! Let the test driver do his job, maybe even the qualifying and we will see how you are feeling on sunday.“ Erwin muttered, stroking a strand of messy dark hair out of Levi’s forehead, before placing a kiss onto it. “For now, we can start with you coming to my room and eat ice cream with me. It will make you stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

“But!” Levi tried again.

“Oh shut up you!” Erwin raised the naked cussing french out of the duvets, got him dressed in a matter of seconds, like he would do it with his nephews, if they refused to get out of bed on a weekday, before scooping him back up in his arms and trudge back to his room. Erwin hammered his foot against the expensive wood, waiting for Nanaba to let them in, who looked bewildered at the two of them. Levi clinging to Erwin's neck like a 5 year old and the Brit himself with a stressed look on his face. 

He passed his personal trainer, before diving to the mini bar and settling back onto the bed, pushing the cold Ben & Jerry's ice package into Levi’s hands along with a spoon.

“Eat! Now!” Erwin ordered with a warning look.

“Erwin, you know, you have...” Nana started to say, before she was cut off mid-sentence.

“I have a shit to do! Fuck the media!” Erwin growled, his gaze locking back onto his friend, his features softening.

“'kay.” Nana gulped down heavily.

“Go and find Mike, tell him Levi will stay with me.”

“Okay.” Nanaba obeyed, rushing out of the door, to avoid pissing Erwin off any more. Erwin got himself some ice cream, switched on the TV and watched Levi out of the corner of his eye. The french man was pushing the melting cream around the paper bowl.

“I said eat!” Erwin barked.

“But I'm going to be so fat.” Levi whined.

“Bullshit! Silly, you will get healthy and believe me, this is not the end of it. If you want to drive your car on sunday, you better eat all the motherfucking food I give to you. I don't care, if you puke on my carpet in the process.” Erwin snarled, a stubborn glim into his green eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

Levi felt as if the entire world would have turned upside down. He was indeed hungry, but all delicious ice cream in the world couldn't help the fact, that he had screwed up big time. Despite that, he could feel the cold substance churning in his guts making him feel nauseous. He was close to just bent over and empty the entire content of his stomach onto the expensive hotel carpet right in front of him.

Erwin insisted and persuaded him and they spent most of the time in his hotel room, not moving at all and eating way too much. If Erwin was out on duty for Survey Spin he wouldn't let Levi sulk on his own and moved him to his own hotel room, where Mike would keep a close eye on him.

Levi had indeed been sick several times, but the meds Mike had gotten from the doctor, where helping him keeping the food down. The cold leveled fellow of Erwin was currently perched on the desk opposite Levi's bed, eyeing him with a frown on his face. That kiddo definitely had gotten himself in a state and Mike was pondering over the thoughts, how he could have fucked up his job that bad. Why hadn't he noticed it? Why didn't he see all the hints? Why did he let him get that bad in the first place?

Mike was annoyed with himself and he felt guilty. Levi hadn't spoken to him about his worries and never gave any indication, that he was struggling. Nor had they discussed the matter after the little row they had the other day, when Mike had become aware of it.

Levi was sitting on his bed, staring at the ceiling mulling over his own thoughts. He knew he had to do how Erwin and the others pleased, if he wanted to stand a chance in the upcoming race, but at the same time he felt terrible for eating all that food and even more ashamed, since he still couldn't really understand.

Why did him losing weight, that was an advantage for his team’s car, was such an issue. He looked like himself at least to his eyes. He could feel his physio staring at him, observing his every move.

“Mike!” Levi snapped annoyed, making the other guy flinch. He was getting angry and bored from being kept at rest and into the unknown for the upcoming day.

“What?” the bulky trainer asked bluntly.

“Stop staring at me, like I would be some fucking chemistry experiment in school for fucks sake!”

“Calm down Levi.” Mike soothed, trying to fix a point on the opposite wall, but keeping his protege in his peripheral vision. The doctor had told him to look out for signs of refeeding syndrome, since neither knew how long Levi had been denying himself food, so he watched Levi like a hawk.

“You are...” Levi stopped in the middle of what he wanted to say, as the terrible feeling that was unsettling him, since the incident, was rooming in his stomach again, making him heave.

“Ha?” Mike prompted, looking back just in time to see, Levi stumbling from the bed into the bathroom and hurling his guts up noisily, his legs shaking with the effort of keeping him stable, as he clutched onto the toilet seat with his knuckles turning white, spitting acid.

Mike sighed, before he got to his feet and supported Levi, holding him firmly to avoid him from crashing. Tears were streaming down the younger boys cheeks, as he panted for breath.

“Sit down Lee, come on, let loose I will catch you.” Mike soothed, feeling Levi tremble and letting go, as he slumped back into Mike's strong grip, who lowered him down on the tiled floor next to the toilet, pressing the flush in the process, before sitting himself down right behind the french man, rubbing slow circles into his back.

“Slow down, ok?” Mike instructed, hearing his breathing still hitching, feeling Levi's chest rise and fall rapidly against his hand that was holding him upright.

“You..did...” Levi was sick again, just from the merry thoughts, he tried to get past his mouth. Mike sighed, trying to guess what was upsetting the driver so much and kept up his support. Levi leaned his head onto the side of the porcelain bowl trying to get a grip on things.

“I didn't do anything Lee, other than letting Erwin taking care of things.” he tried to reassure him.

“Didn't tell...” Levi puffed out a long breath, before he carried on. “...tell Hanji? The team?” his voice broke on the last word, as he started shaking once again, tears cascading down his innocent cheeks.

“Shh..Calm down Lee. I haven't said a word yet.” Levi went limp in Mike's embrace, the moment relief flooded his system. The physio fastened his grip, afraid that he might have shocked the younger one even further.

“You're alright?” he asked concerned, thinking Levi might have passed out.

“Mhmm.” Levi mumbled, suddenly feeling stupid for his own worries.

“Listen, all we want is to help you. Okay?” Mike ruffled his hair to the side, to get the fringe out of the french man's eyes and a better look on his pale face. Levi wanted to scream, that he had no problem, but he felt way too exhausted to pipe up any protest.

“Just making sure you get back in shape to drive your races and you obviously can't at the moment.” Mike said, handing him a cup of water to rinse his mouth.

“I can drive. I promise I can.” Levi mumbled, before letting Mike help him back to is feet.

“No way, from the look of things.” Mike stated matter of factly, as he guided Levi back to the bed and moved over to the side of the room, where a little kitchenette was set up, to flicker the kettle on and make tea for the both of them.

“I will prove it to you. I will win tomorrow!” Levi insisted.

Levi and Mike argued back and forth throughout most of the rest of the day and when Hanji joined them Levi was eating lunch and busy to keep his face straight. His brunette press assistant eyed him with concern.

“Hi shitty glasses.” Levi finally offered.

“Hi Levi. Moblit got you pole.” Levi stopped in his tracks. Looking at her wide eyed. Had he heard correctly? Moblit got pole? POLE?

“POLE POSITION?” Levi exclaimed, almost bouncing on his hotel bed.

“Yeah, Kenny is pretty pleased we just wonder, if you'll drive tomorrow or if Moblit needs to.” she stated looking expectantly at Mike. The Finn was working his jaw like he had just swallowed a bitter pill of acid.

“Of course I'm going to race. I was just a bit sick, you know, time change and maybe a bit of a stomach bug.” Levi pointed out rather harsh, eyeing Mike, as if waiting for him to doubt his words. Mike averted his gaze from Levi's stern eyes and gave a sharp nod. If this was, what the stubborn kid wanted, he should get it. There was no way in arguing once Levi0 made up his mind.

“That's good news!” Hanji smiled but kept her distance. “I'm really happy for you. I just don't fancy catching whatever you caught.” she winked before getting back to business.

“There are still the sponsors...” Mike broke her off mid-sentence.

“I think it might be better to just leave Levi to it, today. Flagon can take care of the press for once.” he protested.

“Uhm, I just thought, it might be tactful you know.” She started looking at Mike concerned.

“It might be, but I think, if Lee is determined to do a good race tomorrow, we better let him rest for today as best as possible.” Mike smiled sadly.

“Oh, of course. I'm sorry. “ Hanji apologized, her gaze flickering between the physio and Ackerman, who was feverishly glaring at Mike in return.

As soon as Hanji had left, Mike was about to snap at Levi, but there was little he could do to control the damage.

“You better don't fuck that race up and get yourself together, Levi.” Mike sighed. He was hurt and he felt betrayed, that Levi was playing with his health, like it would be the joker in a game of poker.

“No worries. I'm going to win!” Levi mumbled.

“What about you try to eat something?” Mike persuaded him, when a few hours had passed, where Levi had been playing some game on his phone.

“Do I need to? Erwin stuffed me with ice cream 2 hours ago. I just had lunch and if I eat anymore I will be sick again.”

“You had lunch 3 hours ago and shortly before you even got down to that, you left most of the ice cream in the toilet bowl.” Mike pressed out through gritted teeth. Nevertheless, he was at least relieved that the young frenchman hadn't been sick again.

“Just give me one more hour okay?” Levi pouted, shuffling up against the headboard of the bed.

“What about we do some stretching at least, if you plan on driving tomorrow?” Mike offered. He knew it was risky, but he hated nothing else than sitting around helplessly, watching Levi wasting himself away, While there was almost nothing he could do to change that. Ackerma rolled his eyes and put the phone away.

“Can you decide what you want? Move? Don't move? Move again? I have the feeling whatever I do is wrong.” Mike rubbed his face.

“What about I try to take care of your sorry ass?” Mike mumbled.

“I'm not going to die tomorrow. I drove enough races to come so far. And you had no fucking idea ,so don't tell me I did something wrong!” Levi snapped and stood up, marching over to the window. Mike knew how wrong that was, but on the other hand Levi wasn't entirely wrong, he had made it so far, just the price he had paid was too high. Mike excused himself to the bathroom, locking the door behind himself.

“Oh fuck, what have I done to deserve this!” he sighed desperately to himself. What would Kenny do in such a situation?

For the billionth of time, he was facing the message window of his cellphone again tempted to give at least a hint. But who to address?

His fingers brushed over the touchscreen, as he sat down on the closed toilet lid. The text he had saved in drafts earlier staring back at him. He scrolled through his contacts, settling on Kenny's name. The team principal would dread to know, but he wasn't allowed to spill. Mike hesitated again.

“Are you hiding from me now?” Levi shouted angrily from the hotel room. Mike’s gaze flickered over to the door, his finger brushing over the sent button, as he left the bathroom. At least maybe Kenny would understand.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay now we get to the difficult part, that's why it has taken me so long. i just wanted to say that there will be a race taking place obviously but the rules and procedures might not be original or slightly twisted from the truth. It's not as if I wouldn't know the usual standart. I know there are lots of videos about preperations and stuff I could have used for research but I decided against that. So from now on this fic will become slightly AU or off topic so to say. If you are one who is very fond on details close to reality you might not like this now. Just felt like letting you know before someone is having a problem with it. The further we will get down to the actual race and rules for upcoming events the more "unreal" it might get for some of you. Please don't beat me up for it. :(  
> Now enjoy the chapter.

The sound of Kenny's cell phone receiving a message echoed around the office in the motorhome, set up behind the garage. Confused he unlocked the screen and opened his inbox to see Mike's name staring back at him. Kenny frowned opening the message with one swift movement of his thumb, his eyes scanning the content quickly, before furrowing his brows.

“Please don't miss the weighing for the car before the race starts.” the text read. Since when did he need to be reminded of his own appointments? Of course he would be there. For a second Kenny was tempted to reply with a question “WTF?” but he thought better of it. If Mike was reminding him, then there sure was another bigger reason behind it. More than making sure Kenny would not miss his own appointments on a race weekend. His guts made a loop at the possibilities. He was tempted to hit the redial button and ask straight away, but he knew he shouldn't. Biting his lip he went through his pile of waiting paperwork and some more emails from the factory in Milton Keynes, killing time until lunch, before walking over to the FIA garage at the furthest edge of the start-finish line , for the weight check up on the cars. 

Levi was already there accompanied by a grumpy looking Mike, who stood closer as usual so it seemed. Kenny frowned, but decided to not point it out, just letting his gaze sweep over them every now and again trying to catch Mike's gaze. The Finn gave no sign, if he was aware of it. Indeed he was almost glued onto Levi's side, as if personal space wasn't even necessary anymore, not as if it were before, but still it was unusual.

Flagon just entered the garage, a slightly spring to his steps, followed by his press officer and some mechanics, looking around grinning nastily as he took in his team mate.

“Need babysitting sulky child?” Flagon snarled, loud enough for Levi to hear as he walked by and made Mike glare at him in utter hatred. Levi didn't even flinch, but Flagon's words burned like acid, all the way down his throat like a bitter pill. A wave of nausea rippled through him, followed by the feeling of being lost in this entire manic world of racing. 

A feeling he couldn't even start to describe clearly enough for anyone to get a hold on it, but it left him feeling like a failure. Maybe, if he had put more effort into getting along with his team mate the older Aussie wouldn't be so mean to him? But no matter what excuse he tried to convince himself with, Flagon's words had hit home in an instant.

“Levi it's your turn.” Mike whispered, nodding in the direction of the weight watch, where his car was parked already. He eyed him with concern, the blank expression on his face did not crumble, as Levi walked over to squat down on the metal panel, that would add his body weight to the weight of the car, for the FIA to check. Kenny was right next to him, peering on the scale with interest. It made Levi feel uncomfortable, even if his team principal showed no sign of emotion. It wasn't unusual, Kenny would be close, he always was. 

Levi shut his eyes in an attempt to shut all of them out, all heir judging gazes and refused to look at the display. Pressing his eyes close until it almost hurt and little lights started to dance on the inside of his lids. He blanked out the numbers, that might give him away to everyone. He hummed to himself, blanking out the talking, before he was released and Moblit took over his place, even if he wasn't racing. There was no way Levi would give up his seat today. He would prove them all wrong. He had to. He had to win and no one would take his victory away from him.

The moment, Levi's weight was announced, half the room went silent for a second. Kenny looked horrified over at Mike, who showed no sign of surprise and just kept working the chewing gum around in his mouth. Kenny looked down at the display in disbelief. Suddenly Mikes message made sense and a cold shiver ran through him, as his brain quickly tried to come up with an explanation, apart from a simple: What the fuck is going on?!. The FIA put not much interest into it, but announced that the driver's meeting was taking place in 2 hours and until then The Underground racing team should have filled in, who would drive Ackerman's car.

“Of course I am going to drive!” Levi hissed, walking back to Mike. He could feel a couple of people looking at him and even Flagon seemed a bit distressed, as he took his place on the panel, when his car was put on. Aussie probably was only concerned about himself. He was taller then most of the drivers and therefore heavier. Levi didn't pay attention to Flagon's result, but left with Mike back to their motorhome.

“So you still want to drive today?” Mike asked, passing over another bottle of water as they entered.

“I will, no one had any objections.” Levi argued, seeing Mike looking past him without a sharp reply. Maybe even the Finn finally got the point across.

Levi refused to eat his usual potatoes and only took the red bull can after Mike forced it over to him, before he took his seat to get through the driver meeting. Half of the grit was silently complaining about the weather conditions and some were chatting among themselves, but apart from that everything went down like usual.

Erwin was sitting next to him, they had decided to stay in the back, closer to the air con and Levi was thankful for it. His skin felt as if he was severely sunburned. Cold sweat was running down his back and the skin on his arms tingled, as if he would have fallen head first in a field of stinging nettles **.** Levi stared at his lap, trying to keep his breathing in check.

Erwin watched him without comment from the corner of his eye, with his usual sunglasses, no one could see,that he wasn't paying much of attention to the actual briefing. They had gone through this procedure way too often by now. The track was overheated, there would be a danger of tyres setting on fire. All the usual warnings that came along with Singapore.

Also the penalties were reviewed once again and Erwin didn't even flinch, when he was told he would start from 18 th  position due to speeding in the pit lane during Qualifying.

Levi looked over at his friend wide eyed. Erwin hadn't even told him how his Qualifying had gone and now this outcome was announced? Levi placed his hand over Erwin's for a short moment, squeezing gently to show his sympathy, leaning over he whispered comforting words into Erwin's ear. He felt bad for ruining Smith's weekend.

“Nah!” Erwin whispered back, dismissing the fact and just shrugged his shoulders as if he wouldn't care. There was no point in making Levi worry, it was the other way around. Erwin didn't care about the FIA's decision he was more worried, that Levi was indeed allowed to race. Some people were looking back up to them, as Ackerman was called out as the assigned driver for The Underground racing team, but no one said anything. For a moment Erwin was tempted to take his glasses off and glare back at them, to defend his friend, who was very silent and focused on his thumbs rubbing nervously against each other in his lap. Erwin wondered, if Levi had even paid attention to the briefing at all.

The stewards and FIA ended their little rant and everyone left.

Levi felt dizzy as he got up, supporting himself with one arm as he swayed aside. He felt Erwin's hand on his waist steadying him as the Brit stepped closer to him.

“You really shouldn't do this to yourself Lee.” Erwin mumbled into his ear sadly.

“I'm fine.” Levi mouthed, reluctantly pulling some of the red bull into his mouth. The straw already driving him up the wall. He was tempted to either chew on it until it broke, or just spit it out. They were the last to leave and Erwin followed close up to Levi, ready to catch him, if he would fall, as they meet Mike outside, who gave Erwin a nod of gratitude, as Levi stopped in front of his physio, expression blank.

“See you, blood sample shits is calling.” Erwin murmured and went over to the medical center to attend his own appointment. Levi frowned, before he remembered the usual drug test. He had no idea when his own was taking place, but he didn't have time to ponder either, because Mike was literally dragging him off to the medical unit, right after his friend had left in the same direction.

“Come on Levi, we need to go and get your drug test done.” Mike sighed, eyeing the red bull can in Ackerman's hand. The meeting had taken up 2 hours. Usually Levi would have drowned the can by the end of it, but from the look of it , he had barely touched it at all this time. The heat was pressing down on the paddock, making the tarmac under their sneakers burn uncomfortably. Mike stayed close to the young  frenchie, in case he would pass out, but so far Levi was holding up. The only noticeable change was how quiet he stayed throughout the rest of the day, until it was time to get back to the hotel for 4 hours to get sorted for the race. Everybody was rigid and somehow nervous by now, Singapore being not only the toughest, but also a night race.

They settled for some dinner, before Mike allowed Levi to sleep for 2 hours, usually he would keep him awake and focussed, but the ravenette boy was so worn out, he almost fell asleep anyway. He just would have to make sure to get him set up for the drivers parade in time. Levi had slumped down on the bed, his breath evening out within 10 minutes, indicating he was fast asleep, as a little knock on the door made Mike turn away from the book he was reading. He went to open up and came face to face with a tired looking Erwin, who rubbed his eyes.

“Moi.” (Hi.)

“Moi, how is Lee doing?” Erwin asked hoarsely. Mike just stepped out of the way and let the other driver in, who quickly scanned the room.

“You mind when I stay for a bit?” Erwin asked, covering his mouth as he yawned.

“Go ahead, make yourself at home.” Mike smiled, sitting back down into the chair he had left just seconds ago. Erwin was looking out for his friend the entire weekend already and it wasn't Mike's nature to judge, but if asked he would say Erwin actually cared a lot about Levi. He seemed just as worried as Mike was.

Kenny had given him a lot of shit, while Levi had been away to the driver's meeting and Mike had simply gone along with it, since there was no excuse for the facts.

“I wish he wouldn't drive.” Erwin muttered with his head buried in his arms, as he looked over from his own seat to the bed where Levi was curled up peacefully.

“We all do.” Mike sighed, waiting for Erwin to address the matter further, but got no answer. As he looked up, he saw him already asleep. Erwin must have been worried sick, if he passed by to check on Levi, just to fall asleep right there. Mike knew once the Iceman had passed out, not even a bomb could wake him, so he carefully, moved Erwin up and carried him over to the bed - fucking heavy bastard - laying him down next to Levi. He didn't want to be held responsible for Erwin having a sore neck from sleeping at the table, or Nanaba eating him alive for that same matter. Mike ruffled his hair before going back to his book, now watching out for two drivers, instead of just one.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are approaching the end of this story, only 2 chapters left.

By now, there were only 20 minutes left, before the race would start and Mike found himself leaning against the fence with Levi by his side, while the press did their grid walk. Hanji had made an effort and warned the journos to not stop by Levi and leave him to himself, to ensure he would have some privacy. He and Mike had been running late anyway, but so did Erwin, who gave them a lift to the track. As usual Erwin didn't bother with arrival, since he was starting from 18 th   position, but Levi had a pole to hold. A lot of cameras got thrown his way, but no one approached him to talk.

He was leaning onto Mike, face drained of all color in the dim light, from the settling evening darkness. The artificial light on the track side was making his head spin, not the best options to be driving a car in his condition. Kenny had asked him over and over again, if Moblit should take his seat, but he stubbornly refused to give in. 

He had to prove them. He would win this fucking race just to throw it back in their faces, for making such a fuss in the first place. He had felt worse before a race, so he tried not to worry too much, but the heat and humidity of Singapore were getting to him.

“Remember to drink.” Mike mumbled next to him, his arm casually wound around the drivers waist, while for real he had a firm grip on Levi, expecting him to keel over, before he would even get near the Underground car. 

Levi didn't respond, but Mike felt him nod shortly, his head only inches from Mike's shoulder, who was holding the umbrella with his other hand, to avoid and irritate the camera's. The drink can was stashed in one of the side pockets of Mike's trousers, the straw resting between Levi's fingertips.

“At least take some sips now.” Mike instructed, urging his protege on. Reluctantly Levi put the mouthpiece between his lips, taking a few pulls of liquid. It tasted like over sugared tea to him, making him squint his eyes shut the moment he swallowed it down his throat, which felt like it just had a meeting with a piece of sandpaper. He hated that stuff.

Sasha Blouse was rushing in their direction, as Mike looked up from his watch that counted down the remaining minutes. Mike gave her a stern stare, through his sunglasses, steering Levi away from the fence over to the car, as it was his time to climb in. Thankfully the irish lady just took the exit from the track near them, instead of approaching them head on, her eyes nevertheless not leaving Levi, who struggled putting his helmet on, the weight of it and the Hans device making him dizzy.

“Okay?” Mike asked concerned, as Levi lowered himself down into his seat.

“All fine.” Ackerman mumbled, as his Hans device was fixed into place behind the seat belts and the mechanic strapped him in, checking the drink bottle and everything else he needed to, before letting Levi attach the wheel, as the heating pats were taken away from the tyres and everyone gathered their stuff to leave the track. The next few minutes felt like the worst of the worst, as the red lights were finally turned on and the grand prix was about to start. The light of the traffic light was burning bright against the night sky, making his eyes itch, before the countdown ran down and he eased his foot down onto the accelerator. It was now or never, take turn one and hold down the pole Moblit got him.

The engine roared in his ears and the earpiece cracked, as the team radio connected and the Underground race car shot forward towards Sheares. Levi hit the brake pedal just in time to make the turn, as Eren was battling him on the inside. The yellow flags went off, as the Brit finally moved out of the way and a red glim of a fire ball went off in the mirror of Levi car, as he turned heading straight into turn two. He slowed down and tried to understand, what had happened. Just some touching or something serious? He was waiting for the red flags, but instead the safety car headed straight in front of him, slowing him down even more.

Levi pressed the button for the radio with shaking fingers. The fire glow had been quite far back at the end of the grid.

“What happened?” He yelled against the sound of the engine, as he ran down the Republic Boulevard taking turn 5 sharply, his tyres screaming as they hit the curbs. Eren pressing in on him down Raffles Boulevard and up to turn 6 and the Memorial Corner. The Safety car still in place.

“What the fuck happened?” Levi yelled again, getting angry over Eren, who seemed blind to the yellow flagged zone and the heading Mercedes SLS AMG of Marlowe Freudenberg.

“Eren is pressing in on me! He should fuck off, or I'm going to hit the next wall. Damn it!” Levi cursed, still on the radio, his head dizzy from the effort of keeping the car on the track, following the perfect line of the safety car in front of him, while the engine was slowly building up heat.

“We don't know yet!” his tech Gunther finally came on the radio, his voice cracking and the quality utter shit. Levi could feel his blood run cold, as they made it up the the Esplanada drive. That wasn't really happening, he must have misheard.

“What? Repeat!”

“We are sorry Levi, we don't know yet. Quality is poor.” Gunther repeated. Levi sighed, there wasn't much he could do, the race was going on and he already fucked up pace in turn 21 at the bay. Just 2 more corners and he would find out first hand anyway. Eren was slightly backing off finally, Levi begged that he would get a penalty for being so pushy. The lights of the safety car still flaring in front of him, as start-finish came into view, debris still strawn on the tarmac. But he had no time to actually look what was happening, he only sensed it must have been massive. One of the cars of the militaries PO team was still pressed into the wall, with a crane just about to get it.

“It's not Erwin. It's the military POs. Erwins car is red.” Levi tried to tell himself to ease his nerves, but the uneasy feeling wasn't vanishing, not after a red front wing came into view, strawn carelessly into the gravel of turn 1.

He could feel tears pricking at his eyes and the visor steaming slightly from his speed up breathing and tried to calm himself down.

“I'm sure imagining things. Erwin is going to be fine, he promised.” Levi whispered into his balaclava, his voice swallowed from the roaring engine. Halfway through the 3 rd lap the safety car pulled into the pitlane and the race was free again. He couldn't help but press down harder then necessary in the Singapore sling. As he rushed down Anderson bridge he yelled at Gunther again. He needed more information.

“Keep pushing Levi.” Gunther brushed him off.

“Fuck you Gunther! What the fuck was up at start?”

“We have no information. 6 cars out from look of things. Stewards and FIA are looking into it.”

Levi wanted to smack his head back against the cockpit. It must have been bad, if they all were under investigation. The sweat was pouring down his neck and the humidity was making matters only worse.

The more laps he made, the more anxious he grew, there still was no information and at his first pit stop, all they told him was again: under investigation and 6 cars out with another 2 DEF leaving 18 cars on track out of 25.

He was missing the perfect line for turn 14 in lap 35 and his tyres made contact with the gravel, spilling tiny stones onto Eren Yeager, who was still latched onto his backside like a lollipop.

“Levi remember to drink.” Gunther instructed. He didn't want to. He was terribly thirsty and sweating like hell, but he needed to get faster and gain tenths on Yeager, to maintain the gap for the leadership. Nevertheless he tried, spilling the drink everywhere, because it was already burning hot.

“I can't it's burning my mouth!” he shouted, but missed to press the radio button, he didn't notice. The straw was making his lips itch and he licked them furiously, without making any difference. The sudden fear hit him back in the face again. What was going on with Erwin? Was he alright?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everybody ready for tissues?

 

Levi couldn't help himself, but he's scared of the possibilities, as he lead the next lap, the engine roaring behind him, his eyes fixed on the tarmac in front of him, with the lines rushing past him, the gear display switching and his throttle and brake device jumping up and down, as he took turn 6 for the 38 th time by now. His body functioning on automatic, but he had lost seconds, whenever Gunther came on the radio. It took him too much to concentrate on the instructions, his race engineer was giving. His mind fuzzy with dizziness.

“Eren is closing in on you, 2 seconds difference, keep pushing before the DRS zone comes on.” Gunther ordered. Levi replied with a hasty: “Okay!”, before flooring the pedal down the straight of St. Andrews road, approaching turn ten.

The yellow flags came out again, just as he braked to slow down.

“Debris on track at corner 12 please be careful!” Gunther's voice was cracking and the connection died. Levi sighed, he could see Eren in his mirror, pushing hard and he felt his tyres run down fast. The next pit stop wouldn't be too far away. He needed a fresh set of tyres, but there was no safety car out just yet.

“Safety car?” Levi questioned his box.

“No, push push.” Levi floored the pedal again, trying to get away from the Brit attached to his ass, when the first rain drops smeared on his visor. Levi sighed once again, his head feeling heavy and the heat was pressing in on him, maybe the rain would cool down the area.

“Box next lap!” Gunther was shouting, properly aware of the rain, as the first wet patches started to form on the track. Levi tried to stay away from them, as best as he could, without breaking his racing line, but it slowed him down. His throat was scratching raw, but the straw was lost somewhere inside his helmet, the hot liquid wetting the inside of his race overall, as the G-Force pressed him to the side on the way up the bay. It was burning down his back, feeling like a traced kiss of fire before vanishing into nothingness, consumed by the heat of the running engine.

“Levi?” Levi didn't notice, for a second his mind was too focused on the pain, as he hit the apex, the front of his car swimming, as he braked and guided it back into the ideal line.

“Levi? Can you hear me?” Gunther asked, worried about the fault in Levi's drive, but the french man couldn't listen, he felt, as if half asleep and wide awake at the same time. There still was no news about the crash, except for the numbers of cars, that were out and his thoughts seemed to be glued to Erwin.

Erwin uncomfortable.

Erwin injured.

Erwin crashed.

Erwins car on fire.

He had no evidence, the stewards were still on the case, the debris gone, but his mind worked frantically. No news meant bad news. Usually Gunther would say: “Arlert crashed.” or whoever's fate it had been, but there was nothing, all options open.

In turn 22 he hit the brake too early again, seeing Yeager fly past on the inside, their front wings only inches apart. He couldn't lose the lead just yet.

“Slow down, let him pass through. He's faster than you and on fresh tyres. Remember to box.” Gunther tried to soothe him, as Yeager overtook Ackerman, the MC Titan rushing past him, in a heap of dust and a splash of water, the red backlight fading away.

The heat and humidity from the rain, seemed to get stuck inside Levi's helmet. He had difficulties to focus, his eyes were wet with tears, partly due to the weather, partly because the thought of anything bad happening to Erwin was torturing his heart.

He never told Erwin how much he loved him. He never thanked him for all the support. He never showed him how much the Brit meant to him.

The dark cloud over his head seemed to grow pitch black, the car slowed down a bit more, the tyres by now totally wasted away and still half a round, was keeping him away from the pit lane. He saw Reiner Braun waiting in his shadow, ready to jump at the opportunity.

“Are you ok?” Gunther asked, seeing Levi's times decreasing. He knew they needed to switch to intermediates, because it was pissing cats and dogs outside. The crew was already setting up everything for Levi's stop.

“Lee are you okay?” Gunther asked again, as the next brake mistake in the middle of the track occurred. Kenny next to him frowned as well.

“Is he having problems with the gear box or something?”

“No everything looks fine.” the team principal answered, eyeing the data with confusion.

“Levi, answer! Is the radio working? I can't hear you.” Gunther instructed again.

They watched Levi struggling through the next corner, Reiner flying past and pushing Levi back to the 4 th in the list as Arlert took the outline to snatch the 3 rd place. Gunther was getting worried by now. It was just a few turns, until the entry to the pitlane, but something was terrible wrong with the young french man.

Inside the car, Levi had problems to keep his fingers around the steering wheel, he was crying by now, his mind torn between focus that he couldn't really hold, as Reiner passed him and thoughts about how fucked up things were between Erwin and himself. He wasn't aware of his hitching breathing, nor about the tears, that were soaking his balaclava, all that seemed evident was the feeling of his skin burning up. Gunther's voice seemed to blur around the edges, as the pain in his chest intensified, leaving Levi to gasp for air.

“I can't race, I can't make it, I quit , seriously let me drop out I can't take it.” Levi sobbed heavily, his finger finally coordinating with his brain, as he pressed the button for the team radio, sobbing into Gunther's ear. He hoped they wouldn't broadcast this snippet on live TV.

 His race engineer was shocked about the state of Levi, it was clear on his face. The anxiousness had shifted to pure concern.

“Calm down Levi.” Gunther soothed, trying to figure out what the problem was. The car seemed fine apart from the rundown tyres, but Levi just sobbed down the line, not able to utter anymore words. Gunther pushed one half of his ear piece aside, barking into the box.

“Someone get Mike, now!”

“But why?” one of the mechanics dared to ask. Gunther was usually the only one allowed to talk on the team radio, even Kenny who was listening in, looked just as shocked.

“I don't care get him! NOW!” Gunther yelled angrily, watching Levi drop to 5 th in the list, still sobbing in between the white noise crackling of the bad connection. His thumb seemed to slip from the button for seconds, before pressing hard enough down on it again, so the connection was partly broken off entirely.

The physio had been watching with a guarded expression in the backside of the box, he had no idea what was happening on track, as one of the technicians dragged him by his shirt and gestured wildly over to Gunther at the side. Mike frowned following him over. Striding across the garage in 3 big steps it seemed and was still frowning as Gunther was yelling at him.

“Mike you need to take over team radio! Levi is losing it!”

What was going on?

The Finns eyes shot up to the monitors, seeing Levi far behind, as Gunther fiddled to plug Mike's ear piece into the correct frequence.

Meanwhile Levi's mind was flooded with sheer terror and the heat of Singapore was making him pant heavily, his own sweat burning in his eyes. Stinging like needles all over his body. The world was swirling and he wasn't sure, if he was still on track or already dreaming. He had to make it to the pits, he had to bring the car home. The last thing he remembered was yelling at Gunther to let him drop out, he wanted to stop the car. He couldn't go on. His hands were shaking and so were his legs. His body was still working obviously, but he had problems to see anything at all, no oxygen seemed to be drawn into his lungs.

“Levi? Levi can you hear us?” Mike's voice drifted into the spinning blur of colors, that were the french man's vision, the rain drops splashing against his visor. Confused he tried to concentrate to push the radio button, not sure if he was on or not, which button was operating the radio again, which one was he even touching in the first place, was it one on the left or one on the right side of the wheel?

His fingers felt cold and numb, did he even move them? His foot losing grip on the brake pedal, at the next turn, where the blinking back light of the car in front of him came into view. Levi yelped in surprise, braking again hard, feeling the left tyre losing grip in a puddle of water, as the car spun to the side, knocking all air out of him and tipping his mind into a daze.

He hit the barrier, the impact so harsh, his head was torn forwards against the hold of the Hans device and it knocked all sense out of him, the force turning his car around, carbon splattering everywhere, as his car was pushed across the track again, the nose colliding into the opposite wall, finally bringing the car to a halt. 

In his shock, Levi had pushed the accelerator instead of the brake pedal, before the forceful push against his neck had dragged him into unconsciousness.

“Oh fuck!” Gunther and Levi both gasped as the drama unfolded on screen.

Bertolt Hoover, who was driving right behind Levi's car avoided contact by only a few inches, as he rushed through the debris continuing his lap.

Gunther's hand was on Mike's arm clamped down hard in disbelief, as he switched the channels back.

“Levi are you okay? Let us know if you are okay?” They waited anxiously for a movement from the cockpit.

“He needs to get out!” Mike almost choked on his own words. “He needs to!” The Finn was frozen in place next to a shocked Kenny, who had his hand clamped over his mouth in disbelief and a feverishly talking Gunther, who tried to get a response from the french driver. Half the garage was holding its breath by now, as marshalls got on the scene. Their orange overalls bright against the rain and artificial light of the track in the night.

Some cleared away the debris, others surrounded Levi's cockpit like a swarm of glow worms in the dark, their jackets projecting the light, as the doctor arrived on the scene. His red overall a flash in the darkness.

The yellow flags came out and so did the safety car, now leading the field as everybody awaited news. The red flag was drawn by the marshalls on screen only minutes later, breaking up the race and stopping it for now, as the phone next to Kenny' stand went off confirming their worst. 

The helicopter was ordered to take Levi into the medical unit, who was still in the car and surrounded by paramedics.


	14. Chapter 14

All eyes in the garage were on Kenny awaiting the news. The team principal was sure that Levi's physio was trying his hardest to glare holes in his face from the look of things.

“They are flying him straight out to the hospital.” Kenny announced, as everybody turned with gasps to the entry of the box.

Standing there in the pouring down rain, with his helmet in hand and sporting all the glory of his red racing suit ,was Survey Spin's driver Erwin Smith, who simply ignored everyone around him, as he shoved his way towards the side, where Kenny was sitting.

“What the hell...” Gunther started, but was cut short, when Mike shook his head at him. He knew exactly why Erwin was here.

“How bad is it?” the Finn inquired quietly, his voice almost hissing, eyes cold as ice fixed on the head of the team. Kenny gaped at him in surprise.

“How bad!” Erwin demanded a little louder now. They were aware that all cameras from the pitlane were probably directed onto them right now, as Mike still in shock himself, took a step forward to put his hand on the drivers shoulder.

“They are taking him to the hospital.” Kenny repeated as calm as he could, nevertheless his voice was strained, the nerves showing. The events getting to him as well.

Erwin gave a sharp nood, before turning around, making an attempt to leave, but Mike held him back.

“I'm going to the hospital and will ring you up on the details, while the race is still on.” Mike said, barely waiting for the nod of confirmation, as he followed Erwin out and down the pitlane to the exit, already rumarging in his trousers pockets for the car key of the rental.

“Erwin don't you need to race?” Mike tried, as he had finally caught up with the driver.

“I don't care about the fucking race, will put the car as DEF. My Team can deal with the press.” Erwin muttered. Mike didn't say anything.

“Just drive to the fucking hospital okay?” Erwin huffed, throwing the helmet and the HANS on the backseat, as soon as Mike had unlocked the Infiniti, flopping down on the passenger seat with a sigh, as Mike slid into the drivers side, to kick the engine up.

Neither one of them spoke, as they broke almost every speed limit, making their way to the hospital nearest to the track.

Erwin wished he would have taken his sunglasses with him, but he had gotten out of the car and left for the Underground racing team's garage, as soon as he had seen the lists on display, with Levi's name displayed in all red. When Erwin had passed the accident, there hadn't been time to look out for what was happening, he had to slow down enough to follow the safety car into the pitlane, as the race was broken up and he had to take care not to crash into anyone in the process. All he remembered was the tiny bit of hope and the voice in his head repeating rapidly: “Please not Levi!” just to find his hopes crushed, as his gaze flickered onto the screens.

“Did he get out.” Erwin wondered out aloud.

“Huh?” Mike barely turned his head towards him, too concentrated to not flip the Infiniti into a crash with both of them.

“Did Levi get out by himself after the crash?” Erwin asked.

“No...no he didn't.” Mike sighed, his breath catching in his chest as he spoke and turned the engine off, as soon as they stopped in front of the hospital entrance, just a few feet away, to not get into the way of approaching ambulances. The physio pressed the central locking, not looking back for check up, as he followed Erwin in, who already marched his way through the lobby to approach the front desk.

“Where's the ER?” Erwin asked, voice low almost angrily, but thick with desperation. The receptionist just looked at Erwin in disbelief, her eyes big as saucers, trying to get a grip on the situation it seemed.

“We are looking for Levi Ackerman, he was supposed to be admitted into your care, has been airlifted directly from the race track.” Mike told her, showing his Underground racing team ID to her.

That seemed to do the job, because she started looking up informations on her computer, before she nodded and showed them the direction to the ER in half broken english, layered with a big french accent. At least Levi was here, now they just had to know in what condition he was.

Mike remained a step behind Erwin, as they made their way through corridors. He could see the tension in his body mounting up higher the closer they got to the ER. He didn't feel that much different himself, it was just now that he realized, that he was actually still wearing his headphones and everything else. Erwin didn't stop, but pushed right through the swing doors, entering the ER ward, which was buzzing with people rushing around. They didn't even get as far, as to the front desk, before one of the nurses stopped them, obviously knowing right away, who it was they were looking for.

“I'm sorry, but we are still working on the case. No visitors, please take a seat.” she blurt out straight away.

Erwin was clenching his fist and Mike locked his jaw, but put a reassuring hand on his fellow for comfort anyway as he spoke up.

“Any news? I'm here on behalf of the team.” he insisted. The young girl shook her head, leading them to a more private seating area.

“Great, no news!” Erwin huffed out aloud, rubbing his fists over his racing suit.

“Doesn't always mean bad news.” Mike tried to cheer him up.

“As if!” Erwin snorted, glaring around trying to take the room in through the shadow of anxiousness.

“What actually happened out there? Did you see anything?” Mike asked after a while.

“No, I was too far behind to see anything and I couldn't see anything when I passed, because of the traffic behind the safety car leading us into the pitlane.” Erwin replied rubbing his temples. The passing by time without news was giving him a headache. He fought the urge to cry, just from the merry overload of emotions.

“What about the team? Was there any problem with the car?” Erwin asked, trying to find a reasonable excuse for the crash. Mike gritted his teeth as he shuffled his feet under his chair.

“No the data was ok, the telemetry too. He did a couple of mistakes before, there was a brake failure, when he lost his pole position and the car seemed to be a bit off the ideal line, but nothing else. The next thing I know is Gunther called me over to the team radio, saying I should talk to him, because he was  losing it, but the quality was so poor I couldn't hear him at all. Just a lot of noise and something, that could have been sobbing, but Gunther had no time to even tell me anything at all about what happened, before I got onto the channel, because the drama was already unfolding on track.” Mike pressed out, sighing deeply.

“He shouldn't have raced.” both of them muttered at the same time, locking their gazes together with a hidden sadness, neither one of them dared to address, even if the elephant was already in the room.

“I will see, if they'll give me any information and fetch a coffee. Do you want one as well? I have the feeling we'll  be in for a while.” Mike said, as he got to his feet.

“Whatever.” Erwin muttered not denying the request, but not accepting it either, he was chewing away on his bottom lip.

 ***

It was 5h later when Kenny arrived, that they were given any information at all. Erwin was pacing the room and Mike was staring out of the window, his head filled with doubts. He should have objected. He should have done something to stop Levi from driving, but the frenchman had been so determined.

It also was Kenny, who finally filled them in and arranged for Mike to get the updates, the moments there were any, because the team principal was already on the way to leave.

The Brit wanted to stay, he really wanted, but the press was waiting and the garage needed to be undone and then again there were several meetings with the FIA awaiting him.

“You guys keep watch and Erwin you better call your boss, he's freaking out all across the paddock. For now only one of you is allowed to go and see him.” Kenny told them, before he left. Mike and Erwin were looking at each other for a long while, still processing the news the Underground racing team principal had shared, but also weighing up the options, who had the right to go first.

“Go Erwin. Go and see him.” Mike gave him a small smile and a nod. He knew how much Levi meant to the blonde driver. He could hold back a little longer, wait a little more. It was his own doubts rooting him to the spot. Even if Kenny had insisted, that it wasn't Mike's fault.

Erwin gasped for a moment, before his eyes swept across the floor and down the hallway.

“Thanks..” he mumbled, before following the nurse to Levi's room.

He was still kept in a special intensive care unit, near the ER, actually it was just down the corridor and Erwin's heart was beating faster, as he approached the door. His eyes were already watering, as he laid eyes on his best friend and the person he loved.

A fragile frame, almost invisible in the hospital bed, swallowed up by machinery and tubes attached to him. The heart rate monitor constantly buzzing in a low rhythm.

Erwin pulled a chair out to the right side of the bed, as he sat down with a thud, taking Levi's hand into his own. The french boys eyes were closed and his raven hair, still clung to his forehead. Erwin couldn't help, but take in all the tubes and different IV's and machines.

This was bad and it was more than that. He didn't know, if Levi would hear him, Kenny's words still echoing in the back of his mind: “They put him into a medically induced  coma as a precaution.”

“Hi Lee.” Erwin spoke softly, his thumb drawing unknown patterns onto the back of the young boys hand.

“You know, your car is shit. Looks like crap. You would be so mad, if you could see it. They stopped the entire race, you know. I didn't even bother starting a new. Kenny was here some minutes ago. He said the MCtitans and one of the MPs shared the podium, but no one opened the champagne bottle. They all are chickens, you know. No party without you french boy.” Erwin gulped heavily. The beating of Levi's heart, as regular and passive as before.

“I miss you. I already miss your stupid jokes and all the stuff we did. I want to throw my ice cream at you. Damn, I want to see you freak the fuck out about your teammate. I bet, if you come around, your head would be hurting like fuck, but they would make it ache anyway. So not so bad huh.” Erwin had fallen silent for some time, trying to fight back the tears.

“I know you are a tough cookie and I know you wanted to be the best. I just wish you wouldn't have driven today. You know, fuck the car, fuck the team. No Grand Prix is important enough to get you in this state. I wish you could see yourself. All bones and bruises. You knocked your head quite bad and damn that black eye, I will lend you my sunglasses I swear.” Erwin huffed a strangled laugh, through the tears that were falling freely down his face by now. His breath catching in his chest, as sadness washed over him.

“Hey you stubborn little shit. I know I wasn't fair. I wasn't fair to you. I should have told you. But how do you say such things. Feelings and shit. Lee I'm not good with this stuff. I never wanted to hurt you. You are perfect, you were perfect. I just want to make you perfect again. I love you Levi. I love you so much.” Erwin sobbed into the duvet, clinging onto Levi's hand, holding it tightly.

“You are not allowed to leave me. You keep fighting!” Erwin sobbed, all guards down. He kept on bubbling, with no sense how much time passed, before a nurse entered, handing him some tissues and guiding him out of the room. Mike was still in the waiting room, a sympathetic smile on his lips, as he hugged Erwin.

“He will make it. The docs are saying he's strong. They will get him all fat and whiney and before we know it, he will be asking for his playstation and to be back at home.” Mike soothed.

***

Indeed Mike wasn't way too wrong. They kept Levi sedated for 3 days, running all sort of tests to rule out any more damage.

No team principal or whoever was able to hold Erwin responsible for any of his actions. He would have quit Survey Spin right there and then, if it would have made him stay with Levi. He barely left the hospital at all, apart from changing clothes in the hotel and falling asleep on Mike in the waiting area, when Levi's test were run.

The worst part was the force of the impact, that kept everyone worrying, but it soon became clear from the footage, that Levi had passed out, before he actually had hit the wall and the doctors confirmed, that he passed out due to dehydration and being so heavily underweight. Nevertheless they got enough IV foodie bags into him via tube, to help him regain control and Mike's forecast soon became reality.

The first thing Levi Ackerman saw, as he woke up was Erwin. Erwin stroking his hair with so much love in his eyes and suddenly he remembered, that weird dream of Erwin talking to him and also Mike talking to him, who stood at the other end of the room.

“I love you.” Levi whispered, as he blinked sleepily up at Erwin, who was crying again.

“I love you too.” Erwin mouthed almost inaudible, before Levi slowly turned his head around, spotting Mike.

“I'm sorry hockeybutt.” Levi whispered, as Mike spun around and rushed back to the bed.

“I'm so glad you are back around.”

“I want my Playstation.” Levi mocked, as the nurse on duty entered and fussed around with him.

“You get whatever you want.” Mike and Erwin replied.

“I'm sorry I was stupid.” Levi admitted a while later.

He knew he had done them wrong and he knew he had a lot of way to go, but Erwin would love him and help him through and so would Mike. 

He could fight the fatal desire. He could get back to his old self again, even if it would mean no more racing for a far while.

***

Levi had a hard time to pull through all the promises he made and keeping away from the car, was one of the worst commitments, but seeing Erwin dedicating every win to him, was enough reward for him to pull through his rehab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is finally the end. It might be a bit short chipped but then again this story was never supposed to get that long in the first place. It only ever started of as One shot. I wanted to thank everyone who helped me pull through and everyone who took time to read and I loved all your replies. And I hope you did enjoy the last lines.


End file.
